Livin’ la Vida 'Rona
Jul. 12th, 2020 11:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
capn_n_pyeIn the words of the Hilltop Hoods, 2020 continues to be nothing but an unshaved ballbag, so we best get on with making our own fun.
First Dog on the Moon asked people what they learned about themselves during lockdown. We learned the xkcd ‘Expiration Date High Score' is heaps of fun if you ignore your pantry and only go through it during a pandemic…
Check out those high scores! 16.67 and 28.6?! Beat that, we dare ya!
A bunch of little things that came out in the clean-out looked like something Adele and Carlo’s lil nuggets might enjoy, so we posted off a bunch of (non-food) stuff, with strict instructions that they could only lucky dip into it once a day. Their parents reported that Mazinga and Totoro were following the rules faithfully and were quite delighted with a lot of the results (Totoro loved the bear so much she had a meltdown when it got to bedtime and she couldn’t find it lol whoops).
We tried to make sure that there were ‘even’ numbers of items and it mostly worked well, but unfortunately they might have followed the rules a bit too faithfully – we intended that they could each dip in every day, but they only dipped in once for the both of them. When a fan came out, apparently they fought like dogs over it, with the war only ending the next day when a second fan happened to be what came to hand next, lolololol.
Before we knew it, school went back and we got to enjoy about six years of remote teaching. We made a cunning plan to bash up anyone who said they were ‘home schooling’ their children (YOU’RE NOT PLANNING, DELIVERING OR ASSESSING THE CONTENT, YOU’RE JUST MANAGING THE BEHAVIOUR OF YOUR LITTLE BRATS, THAT’S NOT HOME SCHOOLING), and invested in new trackie dacks as our new work clothes. Mind you, when they got delivered, the postie ringing the doorbell did us a frighten – we were definitely learning what it’s like to be dogs… getting excited about car rides and walks and scared of the postman!
Remote learning is definitely not ideal and should never catch on. However, the bit where you could roll out of bed five minutes before class and still be on time was pretty good, and once we got organised and on a roll, we were almost able to get to the point where when the last class for the day was over we could stop. Not all bad!
It was definitely a good time to be an organised person who is not afraid of technology and we were both very grateful to Previous Us for having already created a bunch of online learning tasks. When it came to video conferencing tools, even though Skype had a 19-year head start, it heartily lost out to Zoom. In is fascinating to see which of one’s colleagues think they need to have their camera on during a meeting with 50+ people in it, and we had fun with this Bingo chart based on this Who’s on Zoom? Video
We might not be afraid of technology, but Pye was definitely afraid of this kid’s chair… IT’S BEHIND YOU, RUN AWAY!
The person in charge of Pye’s school’s Facebook account asked for a bunch of staff to make a video message to share with the school community to bring a bit of joy to the world. Pye obliged, but it was rejected, because apparently it sent the wrong message… well, what did they expect??
In between working hard and not hearing a peep from the previously vociferous ‘children are a blessing, you really are missing out’ brigade, Stinky set to shredding about 15+ years’ worth of old bills and other bits of paper that had been carefully filed away. Someone once mentioned that shredded paper makes good mulch and that worms really like it… All right, you asked for it!!
She worked the shredder so hard that it started to sporadically overheat. When it did that, it would stop working and only finish the job when it felt better again – which was usually long enough to forget about it. So, for example, one time she’d fed the hungry boi till he got tired and was Zooming with a needy Year 10 when he suddenly returned to life, roared, “OM NOM NOM GRAAAAAAAAAA” and Stinky shit her pants.
Being stuck in front of a screen all day was pretty terrible, so we made sure to make a special effort to get out for a bit of fresh air and exercise. We finished Moose’s favourite low level swears….
Which conveniently managed to all tuck in near each other!
Just cos Moose’s favourite words were used up was no reason to stop, so we cast around for more classy words the local area would allow. The letters ‘k’ and ‘n’ are remarkably hard to do, but we did our best with other words…
We even tried to draw a rocket ship, how did that turn out?
We’re not saying mum was disappointed in us, but she was definitely disappointed in us… Maybe doing a special Mother’s Day edition would make her more proud?
If Mother’s Day is in the air, that means only one thing – Moose’s birthday isn’t too far behind. After the fanfare and attention he got for his 21st, he was confident in expecting to get the same sort of attention again…
He was very cross when the ‘rona shat all over the prospect of getting feted in the way he believes he deserves, but was somewhat placated by the special birthday PowerPoint Chuckles made for him, as well as the extra special birthday mousse and birthday serenade via Zoom….
He was very happy with the walks we’d been doing, and was also pleased when Stinky designed four very special squares for the next Giant Abomination Leftover Yarn blankee…
COVID-19 has been very beneficial when it comes to craft, and we have designed and made a huge number of original squares for the blanket. We made Goodies-themed squares, and Alley Cat-themed squares, and caculent-themed squares, Wee Free Men-themed squares and more! Pye designed her very first shadow illusion square, and is very proud of herself…
Tis no more than this year deserves! Stinky designed a COVID-19 square and we each made a version of it.
But we should have been warned! No word of a lie, Pye popped the knitted one in a box with some other squares, and when she turned back IT WAS OUT ON THE FLOOR. Even crafts made in the image of this beast won’t stay contained!!!
It wasn’t an original pattern, but Stinky also made another version of Our Son – look at the little precious!
HANG ON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING STEALING THAT JUMBUCK? Don’t tell us that it just jumped into your tuckerbag, you adorable little rascal!
Then one day, some clever dot on the internet wrote a whole story, using just books on the shelf. How very clever!
We couldn’t hope to match such a story, but we dared D’admiral to write a haiku. We didn’t actually think he’d stick to the 5/7/5 syllable structure – more fool us!
Travels with my Aunt/If a Pirate I Must Be/Crime and Punishment
The Way of All Flesh/Lady Chatterley’s Lover/My Life as a Fake
Well, once the gauntlet had been thrown down, of course we couldn’t back down! We had catalogued our library using Libib, so finding five and seven-syllable book titles wasn’t all that difficult… the less said about actually finding them on the shelf, the better. There was an homage to raising good pirate children…
Fucking Good Manners/Guide to Pirate Parenting/The Little Nugget
We were able to compile rather more flatulence-related content than we thought, but in retrospect, that should not have surprised us…
No One Likes a Fart/Hyperbole and a Half/I Need a New Bum
The Boy Who Kicked Pigs/The Complete Book of Farting/All Together Dead
There were tales of crazed emperors and domesticated demons…
Bill the Conqueror/Only You Can Save Mankind/Carpe Jugulum
What’s in the Closet?/Practical Demonkeeping/Whispers Underground
The saddest end for a beloved Australian literary icon…
Dead as a Doornail/The Muddleheaded Wombat/Crap Taxidermy
And someone dropped the ball on chaperoning the Famous Five, dear oh dear!
Five Go Off to Camp/Snugglepot and Cuddlepie/Whacky Baby Knits
See, without the ‘rona, we would have had far more important things to do and the world would have missed out on these poetic works of genius!
Eventually we got the news of a return to face-to-face learning – apparently children aren’t at much risk of the evil flu, and teachers… um… don’t matter…? There were all sorts of plans in place, like making the kids stay 1.5 metres away from us and each other (because we’re so generously funded our classrooms are huge and that’s total feasible, isn’t it), and putting lots of hand sanitiser all over the place for the children to steal. Apparently well-ventilated spaces are safer, so our favourite suggestion was to ‘teach outside when you can’. Ah yes, an excellent suggestion during winter! Thanks for keeping us safe!
Before we went back into the plague-pits and became potential-time-bombs of infection, we raced off to check on the mental health of our parents. Rama and Sita were still sharing their hand san, but lOoK, nOw ThEy HaVe A pLaGuE dOcToR fRiEnD oMg.
(Stinky was compelled to make the plague doctor to put in the window – everyone else was doing rainbows and teddy bears, she wanted to join in!
It was simply glorious to be in a different place, even if we weren’t tough enough to go for a swim. We did dash off to a Dromana wine factory outlet to stock up on $10 bottles of wine that they allege normally retails for $80 each (pfft, it was fine, but not $80 worth of fine!) and heroically not buy any antiques….
Over summer, we had neglected visiting Endeavour Fern Gully in Red Hill because we don’t like snakes – what better time than winter to remedy this?
It was like bring dropped into the Otways while on the Mornington Peninsula…
How did we never know it was there before?? This little guy knew about it!
D'admiral heroically walked first so as to collect the leeches, ha ha ha, wouldn’t that be gross!
*Later, back at the ranch*
AHHHHHH YUUCCKKKKKK!!!
Leeches are almost as yucky as Stinky’s Lockdown MulletTM. Thank goodness for Chuckles and her new clippers kit! She and Pye were having a lot of fun saying things like, “Are you supposed to see that much of her skull?” and “How long do you think it will take for the bleeding to stop?” It was all very droll until Chuckles tried out the ‘around the ears’ clippers, whereupon there was a horrified gasp and sudden silence. That really gave Stinky a fright, and even though it all turned out okay in the end, now we know how to scare someone at your hair-cutting mercy!
You know what a different house meant? A DIFFERENT LIBRARY! Bring on the haikus!
There were food-themed ones…
All Right Vegemite!/The Biggest Sandwich Ever/The World’s Finest Foods
The Barbecue Cookbook/The Smallest Frog in the World/Squeeze Me a Lemon
The Rainbow Serpent/Mistaken Identity/The Barbecue Cookbook
Our Mutual Friend/The Muddle-headed Wombat/The World’s Finest Food
That poor wombat is always ending up dead! There were a few unspeakable acts…
Give a Magic Show/The Imitation of Christ/Unspeakable Acts
Clarence Goes to Town/A Small Town in Germany/Unspeakable Acts
The Deadly Affair/Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy/My Life as a Fake
A clear ‘mistaken identity’ theme…
Claudius the God/Mistaken Identity/Carpe Jugulum
Crime and Punishment/Mistaken Identity/The Twins in Trouble
Waiting for Godot/Unspeakable Acts/Mistaken Identity
… a pretty clear ‘pee’ motif…
Beer, Glorious Beer/Engineering Mechanics/I Can Jump Puddles
Aussie Etiket/Trivia for the Toilet/I Can Jump Puddles
Beer, Glorious Beer/Happy Hour Story Book/The Narrowing Stream
We even had the story of our Italian family!
The Unchosen Land/Labourers in the Vineyard/Back to Tooleybuc
And the greatest love story of our age!
A Room of One’s Own/Mr Pinkwhistle’s Party/The Last Love Story
And this one, which surely must be straight from a 60s Baroque pop song!
I Can Jump Puddles/The Blind Giant is Dancing/And the Big Men Fly
Possibly the only reason the haiku mania stopped was because we had to go home again…
We then had time for one last lockdown-walk, and we used it go back to Eastern Cemetery to locate the graves of Caroline Newcomb and Anne Drysdale. We grabbed a tissue on the way in…
… and headed off to where we were pretty sure we would find them. The two ‘lady squatters’ were important enough in the white-history of Geelong to get a suburb each named after them, and Geelong primary school kids learn all about them… except nobody really mentions how they were more than just business partners!
Look at that, gal pals being pals being buried together (also along with the younger one’sbeard husband who Caroline married after Anne died – he outlived his wife, but made sure she was interred with her big love). The QR code beside the grave tells the story!
So armed with new knowledge that has no practical use, we went back into the trenches, with Year 11 and 12 students back for two weeks before the smaller goblins joined us. Goodbye, my lockdown!
All the social-emotional problems that would have normally been sprinkled throughout the eleven weeks of term two were funnelled down into the last fortnight – that was a real treat! Pye’s computer even developed a swearing problem – the file down the bottom left is actually named ‘Year 9 cuaca comments’… whoops…
At Stinky’s school, there was the pair of kids who decided to jump the fence and go on adventures. Only problem was that it was a casual dress day, and the two cops that were right there naturally assumed that they were ferals stealing from the school. The kids produced their school IDs, which the cops took to the office to verify/dob. At this point, one might assume that the kids would consider their game rumbled and go back to school. But nope, not these two - they doubled down! One rang her mother and told her to get on the parent portal and adjust her attendance to say that she had a dentist appointment (which for some reason the mother actually did), then off they went. The school rang the mum and she backed her little felon 100% (I don’t think either was bright enough to notice that the attendance entries are time-stamped, so it was very clear it was adjusted after the cops busted them!). The other little idiot’s dad was less of an enabler and jumped in the car to track his little scallywag’s phone. You might well assume that this is standard behaviour for Year 9s, but these were twelve year olds. I can’t wait to see what kind of shit they pull when (if) they get to fifteen!
Somehow we managed to drag ourselves across the line and into the holidays – online shopping might have been the only thing making us the good lil soldiers that we are!
There was no going anywhere these holidays, especially with COVID-19 cutting sick in Melbourne, so we snuggled into the nest. We finally started the process of actually planning the back extension – once we liberated the backyard from the pumpkin army, that is. Extracting this one from the pallet was harder that we thought…
… but the little tyke turned out to have a lot of personality.
Although its drooling habit was a bit gross…
‘schlerrrrrrp!’
Poor thing ended up with just the worst headache :(
We know how it feels, as we head back to the trenches for Term 3!
First Dog on the Moon asked people what they learned about themselves during lockdown. We learned the xkcd ‘Expiration Date High Score' is heaps of fun if you ignore your pantry and only go through it during a pandemic…
Check out those high scores! 16.67 and 28.6?! Beat that, we dare ya!
A bunch of little things that came out in the clean-out looked like something Adele and Carlo’s lil nuggets might enjoy, so we posted off a bunch of (non-food) stuff, with strict instructions that they could only lucky dip into it once a day. Their parents reported that Mazinga and Totoro were following the rules faithfully and were quite delighted with a lot of the results (Totoro loved the bear so much she had a meltdown when it got to bedtime and she couldn’t find it lol whoops).
We tried to make sure that there were ‘even’ numbers of items and it mostly worked well, but unfortunately they might have followed the rules a bit too faithfully – we intended that they could each dip in every day, but they only dipped in once for the both of them. When a fan came out, apparently they fought like dogs over it, with the war only ending the next day when a second fan happened to be what came to hand next, lolololol.
Before we knew it, school went back and we got to enjoy about six years of remote teaching. We made a cunning plan to bash up anyone who said they were ‘home schooling’ their children (YOU’RE NOT PLANNING, DELIVERING OR ASSESSING THE CONTENT, YOU’RE JUST MANAGING THE BEHAVIOUR OF YOUR LITTLE BRATS, THAT’S NOT HOME SCHOOLING), and invested in new trackie dacks as our new work clothes. Mind you, when they got delivered, the postie ringing the doorbell did us a frighten – we were definitely learning what it’s like to be dogs… getting excited about car rides and walks and scared of the postman!
Remote learning is definitely not ideal and should never catch on. However, the bit where you could roll out of bed five minutes before class and still be on time was pretty good, and once we got organised and on a roll, we were almost able to get to the point where when the last class for the day was over we could stop. Not all bad!
It was definitely a good time to be an organised person who is not afraid of technology and we were both very grateful to Previous Us for having already created a bunch of online learning tasks. When it came to video conferencing tools, even though Skype had a 19-year head start, it heartily lost out to Zoom. In is fascinating to see which of one’s colleagues think they need to have their camera on during a meeting with 50+ people in it, and we had fun with this Bingo chart based on this Who’s on Zoom? Video
We might not be afraid of technology, but Pye was definitely afraid of this kid’s chair… IT’S BEHIND YOU, RUN AWAY!
The person in charge of Pye’s school’s Facebook account asked for a bunch of staff to make a video message to share with the school community to bring a bit of joy to the world. Pye obliged, but it was rejected, because apparently it sent the wrong message… well, what did they expect??
In between working hard and not hearing a peep from the previously vociferous ‘children are a blessing, you really are missing out’ brigade, Stinky set to shredding about 15+ years’ worth of old bills and other bits of paper that had been carefully filed away. Someone once mentioned that shredded paper makes good mulch and that worms really like it… All right, you asked for it!!
She worked the shredder so hard that it started to sporadically overheat. When it did that, it would stop working and only finish the job when it felt better again – which was usually long enough to forget about it. So, for example, one time she’d fed the hungry boi till he got tired and was Zooming with a needy Year 10 when he suddenly returned to life, roared, “OM NOM NOM GRAAAAAAAAAA” and Stinky shit her pants.
Being stuck in front of a screen all day was pretty terrible, so we made sure to make a special effort to get out for a bit of fresh air and exercise. We finished Moose’s favourite low level swears….
Which conveniently managed to all tuck in near each other!
Just cos Moose’s favourite words were used up was no reason to stop, so we cast around for more classy words the local area would allow. The letters ‘k’ and ‘n’ are remarkably hard to do, but we did our best with other words…
We even tried to draw a rocket ship, how did that turn out?
We’re not saying mum was disappointed in us, but she was definitely disappointed in us… Maybe doing a special Mother’s Day edition would make her more proud?
If Mother’s Day is in the air, that means only one thing – Moose’s birthday isn’t too far behind. After the fanfare and attention he got for his 21st, he was confident in expecting to get the same sort of attention again…
He was very cross when the ‘rona shat all over the prospect of getting feted in the way he believes he deserves, but was somewhat placated by the special birthday PowerPoint Chuckles made for him, as well as the extra special birthday mousse and birthday serenade via Zoom….
He was very happy with the walks we’d been doing, and was also pleased when Stinky designed four very special squares for the next Giant Abomination Leftover Yarn blankee…
COVID-19 has been very beneficial when it comes to craft, and we have designed and made a huge number of original squares for the blanket. We made Goodies-themed squares, and Alley Cat-themed squares, and caculent-themed squares, Wee Free Men-themed squares and more! Pye designed her very first shadow illusion square, and is very proud of herself…
Tis no more than this year deserves! Stinky designed a COVID-19 square and we each made a version of it.
But we should have been warned! No word of a lie, Pye popped the knitted one in a box with some other squares, and when she turned back IT WAS OUT ON THE FLOOR. Even crafts made in the image of this beast won’t stay contained!!!
It wasn’t an original pattern, but Stinky also made another version of Our Son – look at the little precious!
HANG ON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING STEALING THAT JUMBUCK? Don’t tell us that it just jumped into your tuckerbag, you adorable little rascal!
Then one day, some clever dot on the internet wrote a whole story, using just books on the shelf. How very clever!
We couldn’t hope to match such a story, but we dared D’admiral to write a haiku. We didn’t actually think he’d stick to the 5/7/5 syllable structure – more fool us!
Well, once the gauntlet had been thrown down, of course we couldn’t back down! We had catalogued our library using Libib, so finding five and seven-syllable book titles wasn’t all that difficult… the less said about actually finding them on the shelf, the better. There was an homage to raising good pirate children…
We were able to compile rather more flatulence-related content than we thought, but in retrospect, that should not have surprised us…
There were tales of crazed emperors and domesticated demons…
The saddest end for a beloved Australian literary icon…
And someone dropped the ball on chaperoning the Famous Five, dear oh dear!
See, without the ‘rona, we would have had far more important things to do and the world would have missed out on these poetic works of genius!
Eventually we got the news of a return to face-to-face learning – apparently children aren’t at much risk of the evil flu, and teachers… um… don’t matter…? There were all sorts of plans in place, like making the kids stay 1.5 metres away from us and each other (because we’re so generously funded our classrooms are huge and that’s total feasible, isn’t it), and putting lots of hand sanitiser all over the place for the children to steal. Apparently well-ventilated spaces are safer, so our favourite suggestion was to ‘teach outside when you can’. Ah yes, an excellent suggestion during winter! Thanks for keeping us safe!
Before we went back into the plague-pits and became potential-time-bombs of infection, we raced off to check on the mental health of our parents. Rama and Sita were still sharing their hand san, but lOoK, nOw ThEy HaVe A pLaGuE dOcToR fRiEnD oMg.
(Stinky was compelled to make the plague doctor to put in the window – everyone else was doing rainbows and teddy bears, she wanted to join in!
It was simply glorious to be in a different place, even if we weren’t tough enough to go for a swim. We did dash off to a Dromana wine factory outlet to stock up on $10 bottles of wine that they allege normally retails for $80 each (pfft, it was fine, but not $80 worth of fine!) and heroically not buy any antiques….
Over summer, we had neglected visiting Endeavour Fern Gully in Red Hill because we don’t like snakes – what better time than winter to remedy this?
It was like bring dropped into the Otways while on the Mornington Peninsula…
How did we never know it was there before?? This little guy knew about it!
D'admiral heroically walked first so as to collect the leeches, ha ha ha, wouldn’t that be gross!
*Later, back at the ranch*
AHHHHHH YUUCCKKKKKK!!!
Leeches are almost as yucky as Stinky’s Lockdown MulletTM. Thank goodness for Chuckles and her new clippers kit! She and Pye were having a lot of fun saying things like, “Are you supposed to see that much of her skull?” and “How long do you think it will take for the bleeding to stop?” It was all very droll until Chuckles tried out the ‘around the ears’ clippers, whereupon there was a horrified gasp and sudden silence. That really gave Stinky a fright, and even though it all turned out okay in the end, now we know how to scare someone at your hair-cutting mercy!
You know what a different house meant? A DIFFERENT LIBRARY! Bring on the haikus!
There were food-themed ones…
That poor wombat is always ending up dead! There were a few unspeakable acts…
A clear ‘mistaken identity’ theme…
… a pretty clear ‘pee’ motif…
We even had the story of our Italian family!
And the greatest love story of our age!
And this one, which surely must be straight from a 60s Baroque pop song!
Possibly the only reason the haiku mania stopped was because we had to go home again…
We then had time for one last lockdown-walk, and we used it go back to Eastern Cemetery to locate the graves of Caroline Newcomb and Anne Drysdale. We grabbed a tissue on the way in…
… and headed off to where we were pretty sure we would find them. The two ‘lady squatters’ were important enough in the white-history of Geelong to get a suburb each named after them, and Geelong primary school kids learn all about them… except nobody really mentions how they were more than just business partners!
Look at that, gal pals being pals being buried together (also along with the younger one’s
So armed with new knowledge that has no practical use, we went back into the trenches, with Year 11 and 12 students back for two weeks before the smaller goblins joined us. Goodbye, my lockdown!
All the social-emotional problems that would have normally been sprinkled throughout the eleven weeks of term two were funnelled down into the last fortnight – that was a real treat! Pye’s computer even developed a swearing problem – the file down the bottom left is actually named ‘Year 9 cuaca comments’… whoops…
At Stinky’s school, there was the pair of kids who decided to jump the fence and go on adventures. Only problem was that it was a casual dress day, and the two cops that were right there naturally assumed that they were ferals stealing from the school. The kids produced their school IDs, which the cops took to the office to verify/dob. At this point, one might assume that the kids would consider their game rumbled and go back to school. But nope, not these two - they doubled down! One rang her mother and told her to get on the parent portal and adjust her attendance to say that she had a dentist appointment (which for some reason the mother actually did), then off they went. The school rang the mum and she backed her little felon 100% (I don’t think either was bright enough to notice that the attendance entries are time-stamped, so it was very clear it was adjusted after the cops busted them!). The other little idiot’s dad was less of an enabler and jumped in the car to track his little scallywag’s phone. You might well assume that this is standard behaviour for Year 9s, but these were twelve year olds. I can’t wait to see what kind of shit they pull when (if) they get to fifteen!
Somehow we managed to drag ourselves across the line and into the holidays – online shopping might have been the only thing making us the good lil soldiers that we are!
There was no going anywhere these holidays, especially with COVID-19 cutting sick in Melbourne, so we snuggled into the nest. We finally started the process of actually planning the back extension – once we liberated the backyard from the pumpkin army, that is. Extracting this one from the pallet was harder that we thought…
… but the little tyke turned out to have a lot of personality.
Although its drooling habit was a bit gross…
‘schlerrrrrrp!’
Poor thing ended up with just the worst headache :(
We know how it feels, as we head back to the trenches for Term 3!
