capn_n_pye (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
capn_n_pye) wrote2024-10-07 08:22 am
capn_n_pye) wrote2024-10-07 08:22 am
Welcome (back) to the Jungle!
After no trips since 2019, it was time for Stinky to get back to her school’s sister school and associated adventures therewith associated. But travelling at the same time as Pye’s school chucked up some huge questions
Um, obviously Stinky won custody because she left a week earlier.
She had a fair chunk of PTSD to work through after the last trip, but this time Pak Rossaksa couldn’t miss the Gull Bus, because he was meeting us in Indonesia. And look, there was a Pak Rossaksa at the airport, anyway!
(apologies to random, bald, glasses-guy, but if you're going to be at the airport at the same time as Rossaksa would have been, you're going to get paparazzi’d).
For the 3am departure, we chose to charter the Gull Bus, not least so that it was harder to miss than when you get the one that departs at the will of the timetable. Unlike The Last Time, all the kids assured Stinky that they didn’t have any custody restrictions, so the Feds probably wouldn’t pounce onto them at Departures, and they all promised they wouldn’t do anything stupid enough to get sent home within the first 24 hours – all of this came to pass, so that was a 100% improvement on the last trip!
This time Stinky and Pak Rossaksa were joined by Si Uang (who happens to be the wife of Jez from 2015’s Sumatran adventure), Pak Botak and 20 students ranging in age from 14-18.
It was lovely that they embraced old traditions, like giving Trim the Cat attention and playing with arcane tools at the airport.
This time the plan was to go back to the sister-school in Lombok, and pair that with some eco-tourism in North Sumatra (you know, same old, same old!). Just in case everything started to seem a little bit too easy, the post-COIVD universe decided to make sure that getting 24 people to Lombok would involve some obstacles. Like…getting there.
The proposed flight schedule suggested that we fly to Bali, stay overnight, fly to Jakarta, change flights and then fly to Lombok. Yeah, sounds like a treat for all involved (particularly with Garuda’s proclivity for doing loop-de-loops).
Stinky decided that this sounded like some grade A bullshit, and that if they were going to overnight, they’d have a chill first day in Bali, and then take a fast boat to Lombok the next day. Okay yeah, that’d knock one day of the students being in their Lombok homestay, but no problem, it’s all chill. An excellent plan!
Bali airport was cool, in a hot way.
But not too long before departure, Garuda realized that the post-COVID universe might need some help with a fuckery, and doubled down on the fuckery - after tickets were all booked and paid, no less! How, you ask? Oh, just by cancelling the homeward flight, which meant that Stinky then had to either knock another two days off the trip or get home two days later. Enough of the holidays had already been gobbled up, so guess where had to get knocked off? Yep, Lombok homestay! Kasihan deh loh :(
Undaunted, Stinky’s intrepid crew chose to make the most of the short time they were in Bali. They power-walked down to a slightly dilapidated mall that was infested with cheerleaders (doing a competition) and sinisterly pushy furries (no idea what they were there for, but the Year 11s decided to collect the set).
Moose had no fricken idea what was going on here, but he said if he had to come on an adventure, he could at least get some attention.
No one got murdered by the mascots, which meant a jolly poolside BBQ while waiting for Pak Rossaksa to join (from Yogya via Makassar).
Sleep is for the weak, which meant a bit of a snooze before leaving the hotel at 6am and heading for the ‘fast’ boat. TWIST! There was nothing fast about anything, as the 8am boat ended up being a 10am boat. What better breakfast atmosphere can one hope for than eating takeaway on a bus in a carpark? Oh well, at least the kids did the dishes!
The fast boat should only take a couple of hours, vs the five-hour ferry. Four and a half hours later, with no aircon and a struggling fan, we were still bobbing off Gili Trawangan and Stinky was beginning to consider swimming. Moose refused, on account of him not liking wet stuffing and how he reckons he couldn’t have dragged all his stuff with him.
The goal was to get to school at SMAN 1, Mataram (hereafter SMANSA), where awaited a formal reception for a bunch of sweaty, faded kids who wished for nothing more than to have to appear engaged and excited to be there.
Nonetheless, the students overcame and eventually they all got whisked away with their host families, and the staff got taken out for dinner. Where to go when out for dinner in Mataram…? Well, how about the same place that Bu Dayu took us last year, with D’admiral and Chuckles?! Then an invitation was extended for staff to attend a wedding the following day, and Stinky has never heard Pak Rossaksa’s thoughts so clearly (screaming nooooo, and what a torrent amount of foul language!). Fortunately, Stinky is a fluent translator of such thoughts and was able to politely decline on everyone’s behalf.
So, then it was that, to the horror of ceremony-lovers everywhere, instead of going to a wedding, the next day these staff were footloose and fancy-free. Despite it being a Monday, it was Maulid (the Prophet’s birthday), so there was no school. Stinky had previously considered organising a full-group day trip but had come down on the side of “Yeah nah don’t want to.” So instead, the staff had a provisional morning off (the caveat being they had to be on hand in case of any student crises). They spend their time coming to terms with suggestive billboards and oddly beautiful cigarette ads…
Then they had to go to Senggigi for lunch, it was very hard, but they were super brave about it…
Moose made friends with a coconut...
…and while they waited for the results of the pregnancy test, a lovely lunch was had by the rest. They were some of the few bule on the beach, notwithstanding this rogue corpse (not really).
Si Uang and Pak Botak might have thought that Stinky was showing them the sights, but, really her ulterior motive was to go to Lombok Exotic to get a bunch of souvenirs for cheap. Luckily they were down for it, and before you could say “put a sticker on me so my driver gets their kickback”, Si Uang and Stinky got team t-shirts, which turned out to be a little sexier than we expected.
Pak Botak and Stinky also headed to Gramedia for a bit of Indonesian book shopping, and before you could say ‘But I was enjoying that!’ it was already night time.
The setting of the sun heralded a reunion of the staff, so Stinky and Pak Botak scooped them up and headed out for a posh dinner at a nearby hotel. Fun fact, back in the day, should you require a frothy, refreshing beer, you could always get one from the Alfamart. Then a bit later, you could only get it from hotels. Now you can’t get beer at all from the hotel we were staying at, and the one nearby only served ‘alcohol’ upstairs. I mean, beer was served downstairs, but apparently that doesn’t count as alcohol (except where it does)? Good thing this was a school trip and no one should have got one even if they could, but I ask you!?!
It's generally a poor sign if you are the only people eating at a place, not least because you end up being very closely observed. Pak Rossaksa encouraged Si Uang to try the ayam taliwang so he could show off his ability to eat spicy food. Now, Si Uang is no enemy of the spice, but when the baby chicken came with the head attached, she couldn’t bring herself to deal with it - we exiled it to another table and despite the close scrutiny we were under, it just…stayed there. We did not turn our heads to see what Moose was up to, but he assured us that everything was above board and tickety-boo.
After that brief respite away from the students, the next morning they were up and at SMANSA for a 7:15 start. Originally the plan had been to be there for the better part of a school week, but with the universe’s fuckery, we ended up with just one and a half days at school. Undeterred, they still showed up looking the part, for Stinky had stuck with the plan of having them uniforms made!
Although the kids were sad about how little time they had, Stinky can guarantee that after the second day they would have been bored, tired, and sick of being polite – but how lucky for them that they did not have to come to that realisation on their own!
Over 10 years ago, one of the then-SMANSA students had a wonderful time staying with Pak Botak and his family. He saw on the socials that the team was back again and galloped screaming in to catch up with his former host brother. A lovely reunion was had by all – and what a difference time makes!
SMANSA’s English teacher (Bu Dayu) is an absolute gun, and had activities for the kids to do, like singing, drumming and dancing. But first they went to an English class, to answer questions pulled out of a hat. It was gruelling!
“WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD?”
“WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT LOMBOK?”
“WHAT IS THE BIGGEST SURPRISE FOR YOU IN INDONESIA?”
Stinky don't know about the kids, but she imagines at least one of the staff could have replied, “I didn’t expect to watch a stuffed Moose try and fuck a coconut AND a dead chicken, but here we are…”
Never one to take the backseat, Year 11 student, Gulai Kecil, decided to take control. She has made every presentation of the year about bakso, and is obsessed with the song Abang Tukang Bakso.
The song is an absolute banger, and if you look closely, it has been viewed 1.2 billion times (only about half of that is by Gulai Kecil). So, imagine her delight when Gulai Kecil pulled her question from the hat and it said – “What is your favourite food?” There is only one reasonable response! Gulai Kecil could speak her answer – or she could answer it… IN SONG!
Following this, Stinky was emotionally prepared to have to trot around being a paparazza all day, but whoo hoo, it wasn’t even an all day, because school ended about two hours early on account of a staff professional development day! God bless these lazy teachers and their ever-decreasing hours in the classroom, why do they even need professional development anyway, and have you heard how many holidays they get – I ask you.
With all this free time up her sleeve, Stinky decided she’d better go get cash out to pay Bu Dayu back for the uniforms. This means of course they ended up at the mall (the Lombok Epicentrum mall, not the old one that Stinky still has a soft spot for). Moose galloped straight to his favourite place…
A student who works at McDonalds in Australia went to McDonalds Indonesia to make some new friends…
.. and meanwhile of course the school’s cash card didn’t work when Stinky needed to withdraw 7 million rupiah. While they waited for it to sort themselves out, they went to lunch which was a very different experience to last time with D’admiral and Chuckles, because this time it wasn’t Ramadan, so everything was open.
Back at the bank of ATMs where she finally got the bastard card to work, Stinky had the opportunity to observe advertising campaign, fueling her belief that everyone needs to run a communication by 12-year-old boy and 40 year old woman – just to help with optics.
Back at the hotel, in a rare case of Reverse Theft, the cleaners left us with some eyebrow tint. Hmmm…. yeah not using that.
Moose wasn’t using it either, he was too busy counting his money and waving at the Masjid Raya Hubbul Wathan in the sunset (I don't think that worldly money and the mosque are connected, it’s just what Moose happened to be doing at the same time).
Before you could say ‘But I’m not bored yet!!!’ it was our last day in Lombok. You know what that means – speeches!! Long, rambling speeches from the principal!! The speeches were so long that Bu Dayu texted an apology for ‘her boring principal’. Stinky tried to compensate with a much shorter speech, and thus commenced much handing out of souvenirs by the hosts.
Karin was a student who came to Australia when SMANSA visited Oz back in May. She was much more outgoing in Australia and was able to subtly educate Stinky on just how rude certain rude words are. Although she did not update Stinky’s vocabulary this time, she is still Stinky’s favourite!
Formalities over, the team was let loose for a few minutes, whereupon some of the girls decided to destroy the SMANSA boys with a quick game of basketball. They dodged and wove and confused them mightily with some netball moves.
Then that was it for Lombok, they were off!
But not so fast! One can not go to the airport without stopping at the workplace of one of our host mums – the Institut Pemerintahan Dalam Negeri, or Institute of Home Affairs.
It must be difficult to be a woman in this training institute – over 80% of the trainees are men, and they all look like they’ve had their uniforms spray-painted on.
And then they do…whatever is going on in this picture.
While the lads tried to get the social media details of our students, Stinky met some very patient women and accepted a plaque on behalf of the school.
And the group was really off, for real!
While on the plane, Stinky noticed that Garuda has some nice advertising on their cups – although it would work much better if English wasn’t a stupid language.
Before you could say ‘Are we in Jakarta already?’ everyone piled on a bus for the 2km drive to the most convenient hotel (fun twist, this bus drive took about the same time to drive as it would have to walk). The hotel was just an airport hotel, but it went all-out on the strangeness.
First of all, if you’re disabled or can’t walk distances, you can get stuffed, because everything is at least half a kilometre away from anything, though eerie hallways. There are no lifts that are accessible without at least five steps in front of them (or an unusably steep ramp).
Then there’s whatever the fuck is going on in this lobby (which is deserted and was accessible only via a three-minute external drive in a golf buggy).
Moose found a lift to the roof bar, and considered taking its advice, but lacked the motor skills to really get it sorted.
Luckily, we were there for a short time, not a long time, and since sleep is for losers, everyone was up again at 3am to hop a flight to Medan, North Sumatra. Si Uang and Stinky rocked the Lombok shirts like no one’s business.
The bus to the airport was a lot quicker at 3am, and it would have been even faster if a Year 9 hadn’t left her green folder of Important Things (eg, money, ID) in her room, which the careful reader will remember was like…500 metres away and two floors up. Thank goodness she hadn’t realised earlier, lest the group been able to depart in a stress-free manner!
Being the naïve darlings they are, on the way out of town the students wanted to know why they weren’t going to spend a day of sightseeing in Jakarta. Rather than trash talk the Big Durian, Stinky told them that we had to get out so soon to make sure we weren’t there when Pye gets there. You see, she solemnly explained, when both of us are in the same city in Indonesia on International Talk Like a Pirate Day, the clash of energies would unleash thousands of tiny pirates upon the city, and we couldn’t be having that on our consciences. This is both true and accurate. Given the hour, the kids decided it was too early to engage further on the topic – in fact, this guy summed up the mood.
Indifferent of the date, Moose continued his poor behaviour (he behaves in a piratical manner 365, 24/7).
Stinky could have done with at least a bit of back up when she was dealing with the Garuda staff, who took her into a room with a student and insisted that the kid had something in her bag that couldn’t fly and that it needed to be removed.
The most baffling part of the scenario was when the child genuinely could not comply with the demand, on account of her bag not being present in the room.
“Take the bad things out of your bag!” said the airport staff.
“I can’t, my bag isn’t here!” said the child, quite reasonably (and Stinky also explained in Indonesian, so no one can say it was a language problem).
“Look, just take the bad thing out of your bag, and then you can go!” said the officious man.
“I would, but I am not in the same room as my bag??”
“Ungh!!” said the exasperated and totally very correct man.
After much back and forth, it all got too boring for the officious man in question, and they could just… leave. God knows what ended up on the plane, but it took off and landed safely so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It’s only a short flight, and before you could say ‘But I was enjoying that nap!’, the group was in Medan!
They were greeted by agents from Trijaya, when they found out that our steadfast ally Diana is retiring! There was a brief minute of panic where Stinky tried to envisage what to do without her, but she was quickly assured that her son Frederick and his partner Tricia are taking over, under her supervision, so we’re not too scared.
Our guide turned out to be the same as the guide before, and the one before – was Idris the grumpy pirate! Our old friend with senyum mahal (and expensive smile)! He greeted the group with characteristic grimness and popped us all on a bus so we could embark on the requisite (s)chity tour. We started at the mosque, which was still a bit dressed up from the prophet’s birthday.
Pak Rossaksa took the group photo, but the silly sausage cut off the dome!
But it’s okay, Pak Botak got a dome shot!
We had a bit of a look around – the kids were fascinated and couldn’t wait to get back to the bus at all.
Regular readers of the blog will know that the second obligatory stop on a (s)chity tour is the Maimun Palace.
Therein we revived our trend of recreating paintings…
…and acknowledged the greatness of our compatriots.
At least this lot of students didn’t think that they were too cool to dress up!
To this day, Stinky still doesn’t know if there are any other places in the vicinity for lunch, because once again the group ended up at the colonial/Chinese splendour that is the Tip Top bakery/cafe. Idris didn’t appear to also be eating there, and Stinky was very confused when she had to sign a different bill for herself – turns out that Stinky got the free guide’s meal, which was a nice compensation for mostly missing lunch in favour of spending 40 minutes talking down a student who was having a reason-free freakout.
However, it wasn’t all revisiting places, Stinky actually got to go somewhere new – the Tjong A Fie Mansion. Another colonial/Chinese historical jewel, it was built in 1895 (a good 30 years after Stinky’s school, pshaw!).
Stinky immediately busied herself recreating pictures and photos and had enormous fun, while also muttering fuck colonialism.
Even Trim got in on the act!
In this instance, everyone picked their favourite character in the photo to recreate, but it’s hard to tell if some of them are doing a Bit, or it’s just their normal faces.
Thanks to some continuous use, the house has a range of styles, from the 19th century, all the way up to the best of 1985.
The kids had split into two groups by this point – ‘Team Let Me Go Shopping Or I’ll Be Cranky’ and ‘Team Let Me Have A Swim And Go To Bed Or I’ll Be Cranky.’ Stinky was ‘Team You Think This Is A Democracy But It’s Actually A Bu-ocracy And You Will Do What Bu Tells You,’ and this Bu Stinky was taking them to the hotel.
Thanks to Garuda’s fuckery, we couldn’t stay at Hotel Deli River like normal, so ended up in the Radisson Hotel. It's a strange hotel, in a different way to the Jakarta Hotel. Its oddest trait was the way the lifts would stop at random floors, but that was easily explained by the fact that we were picking up and dropping off ghosts.
Everyone was under strict orders to pack up anything they didn’t need from Lombok into one bag, to be sent off to Hotel Deli River for us to pick up again at the end. There was so much more junk than we could have imagined!
All prepared to travel more lightly, it was time to start the Sumatran road trip. The same kid who left her stuff in the hotel in Jakarta also left some other stuff in this one – what must it be like to live in a world where everyone has to wait while you go back for your shit? The next thing that will be left behind will be her at this rate!
The roads to Tangkahan had somehow become even worse than the last time we were there. The brave and resilient team finally got to Tangkahan to find that there are actually two Mega Inns these days, and #2 has air-conditioning!! And brick walls!! The kids were unimpressed, but Stinky was very impressed by the politeness of the monkeys and the way the dogs managed the furry bastards (“garrrn get orf mah bridge!!”).
Stinky was also impressed that Mega Inn 2 is The World That OH&S Forgot, and it comes with cool snails (unless the snails are in charge of the OH&S requirements, in which case they need to step up their game).
The team was there for some eco-tourism, and the program included ‘tree planting’. This just turned out to be an opportunity to have a bit of a walk in the jungle/river, before we shoved mahogany trees into holes the men pre-dug for us. Not going to lie, this is exactly the type of tree planting Stinky can get on board with, digging holes is the worst.
What else does one expect to find in the jungle? Oh yeah that’s right - poo in a bag!
Finally, it was time for the main event – the elephant washing.
It was all a bit different – the road is paved, there’s a fancy new concrete office, and you now have to go across a bridge to get to the washing site. Oh, and the gate comes with zombies now??
What hadn’t changed was Bu Lis, our tiny best friend from the merch stall! She remembered Stinky’s name, and also asked after Pye by name, bless her. We’re just happy she’s still in business, we were quite concerned that COVID might have done for her business.
Luckily, she and her business have made it through unscathed, Stinky made it worth her while opening up that morning, with everyone picking up something nice, even if the elephant t-shirt appears to be an African elephant with a European background.
But forget shopping, this is supposed to be about elephants! It must be admitted that Trim rather monopolised the elephants’ attention this time…
… but that’s really on Moose for not being more assertive. We almost had the elephants to ourselves, apart from a Dutch couple who would end up following us around North Sumatra. One of Stinky’s favourite pastimes is meeting Europeans who think they’re on a once-in-a-lifetime exotic adventure at the end of the world…and presenting them with 20 teenagers who are unimpressed at anything that they’ve seen (unless it’s an Alfamart). However, to be fair, the kids did seem to like the elephants.
Next stop was Bukit Lawang, which isn’t that far as the crow flies. Alas, this group were not crows, and the bridge was out. If these are the bridges that are still in use, Stinky would have loved to see the broken one (unless it involved another five-hour trip, in which case she’s not that keen on it).
So instead of a short run, this was the route:
On the plus side, there was a stop at a rad restaurant, where four of the kids tried chicken feet (and were very good about it – they actually liked them!), and we met this cut out. A cut out of a sketchy-looking guy is generally unremarkable, but this one took this photo himself. How? On a Samsung, holding up five fingers triggers the phone to take a photo in selfie mode. So, Moose snuggled in, Stinky got her phone out and suddenly this guy was taking photos left, right and centre!
It was around this time when a student casually told Stinky that the universe had delivered a comeuppance to the student who keeps leaving things behind. Apparently, her roommate had done a poo, and it hadn’t quite all gone away (hello Bob!). Forgetty-McGee went to the loo and accidentally dropped her toilet paper in. She did the right thing and fished it out, but accidentally touched Bob! Boom, karma! That’s what you get!
Speaking of karma, Stinky owes an apology and a thank you to our Grade 4 teacher. Back in the day, she had an inexplicable need for us all to know what 7x8 equals - none of the other times tables received this attention, but woe betide the student who couldn’t shout FIFTY-SIX on command. This becomes relevant when you find out that the hotel at Bukit Lawang (not the Eco Lodge this time, boo) royally stuffed up our laundry – mixed up rooms (so now the kids know that Pak Botak has Sonic the Hedgehog undies), and mixed dark and lights to stain whites blue. Stinky was helping a kid get her money back (the chap at reception suggested a re-wash, but we were having none of that). So, says Stinky, that’s 7 pairs of unmentionables at Rp8 000 each… why, I don’t even need to think about it, that’s Rp56 000. So, thank you Mrs Prussner, it only took 37 years, but we see the relevance now.
While they were busy stuffing up the washing, the intrepid travellers were hiking. And who should be leading them but our old friend Surya! He has now led a Pye group in 2016, our family group in 2017, 2018’s Pye group, and Stinky’s 2019 adventure. What a lucky man!
The reader will be delighted to learn that he still has his favourite move of catching ants to play with!
Off they went, puffing their way up the steep hill – gosh hiking post-COVID is fun!
There is an obligatory photo stop where we tried to recreate the last one from 2019:
Then they tried to make a new one for the next group, but considering how many faces were covered, it doesn’t look like it’s going to catch on.
The jungle is pretty and all, but it wouldn’t make up for not seeing any orangutans, which was more of a risk than in previous years.
Our old nemesis Mina hasn’t been seen since COVID – either she hasn’t made it, or she decided that it wasn’t worth sticking around if nobody was going to pay her any attention. Luckily Stinky needn’t have worried – others have moved in! The newcomers don’t have names – they’re true wild orangutans!
So, there were lots of lovely fresh rangas to admire, including these ones who were post-coital [allegedly].
Even the students agreed that morning tea was a delight, and Moose had a lovely time. Stinky had a lovely time making a kid cry by suggesting that she should drink some water (what a monster!).
Stinky took a short cut with some kids that couldn’t keep up with the group (it’s nice to realise that even post-COVID-lung Stinky is still fitter than some 17-year-olds). While they were waiting for everyone who went the long way, they sat with a ‘peacock’ (which was actually a type of pheasant) while he cleaned up the forest floor and shouted for any bitches that might wanna come get some.
What a wonderfully silly fellow – if Stinky hadn’t seen the sound come out of his mouth, she’d have assumed that there was a Year 8 boy hanging out in the jungle.
This was a very well-catered hike, for lunch was served in the Jungle Restaurant (the reality of which bitterly disappointed some of the children who were somehow expecting a full-blown restaurant in the middle of a national park).
It had the most stylish staff anyone had seen for a while – some of which shared Stinky’s hair cut…
…and they keenly observed the patrons, waiting for the chance to clean up. Idris suggested that we could feed them some fruit, but Stinky said no, it’s not 2004, we don’t do that these days.
Back at river-level near the hotel, the sensible gratefully flopped in the river, fully dressed - it was glorious.
What no one expected was the fact there were loads of English students waiting to pounce for some interviews, while we stood, sogged through to our underpants.
We finally got away and changed into dry bras, and Stinky took a bunch of kids across the river to do a bit of shopping. The demon-ranga was not for sale!
Moose insisted on a drink at the Eco Lodge and he was right to do so.
Then on the way back, we learned how you can keep meat fresh in the tropics!
Lest we get too comfortable, the group then packed up and bravely forged onwards. Idris arranged a stop in a palm oil plantation, where once again, the kids were fascinated (only they were not, because it’s not opposite day). Lucky for them, Stinky found her first putri malu of the trip!
The only ones not getting in on the touch-sensitive grass-fondling business were Trim and his new social media manager, who did a marvellous job of profiling this little cat’s grand adventures.
En route to the next adventure, we stopped for lunch at Hotel Deli River, which felt like coming home. You can see the signs of the next generation of owners (Frederick and Tricia, who’s from Melbourne), most particularly with the new espresso machine. It was really nice to see Diana again, and she didn’t even take the opportunity to punch Stinky in the throat for making her re-do the entire tour after Garuda fucked the itinerary. Stinky got her first Sumatran rendang of the trip and was 90% through it before she realised that the kids were having trouble with how spicy it was (it rated a low 2/10, these kids are soft!).
Medan was just a pit stop on the way to the mountains, where Berastagi is always the sensible stopping point. There’s not a whole lot of things a student group is allowed to do around Berastagi (mountain climbing being out of the question), and Idris is inexplicably besotted by a rich Buddhist’s tax write-off, also known as Pagoda Taman Alam Lumbini. It’s very gold and pretty, in a batshit crazy kind of way.
Moose immediately reminded Trim how to be naughty (Buddha’s wrath be darned)…
…and we added our wishes to the wishing tree. The kids’ enjoyed reading other people’s wishes – their favourite was Nelua and Rid’s, and they too hope those two crazy kids can be together forever and get married soon.
There were pictures of Chinese zodiac animals all around the place, and since it was much quieter than the last time we were there, this horse had time to gallop around to find her and Moose’s zodiacs. They also found out that Trim is a snake, which is very topical, considering we had just learned that a snake ate two of the geese that used to live at Hotel Deli River.
Nonetheless, there’s only so much mindfulness and gold that a body can take, and while Stinky was doing bathroom supervision duty, she regretfully noted that the mini quad bikes were only for children. Out of curiosity, she decided to ask the lady, who said there was no age limit, just a weight limit. Three of the students immediately made Stinky’s day and the only reason we stopped was because the place was closing.
Gulai Kecil bought some manggis (mangosteen) for everyone to try later, while Stinky channeled The Duck Song and struggled not to ask them if they had any lemonade.
The weary travellers got to their hotel (the Grand Mutiara) around 6:30, where the kids who had sworn that it wouldn't be too cold to swim actually swam. This is unusual because it’s genuinely cold up there – around 18 degrees. These kids are the best.
Particularly in comparison to the past couple of places, the kids thought this place was the shit (in a good way). Moose thought this place was shit, because it banned most of his favourite things.
For those forbidden from tottering up a volcano, the only other thing to do in Berastagi is to do some shopping, so the next day we took them to the fruit market, nice and early. Gulai Kecil kept up her love affair with manggis…
…while the rest of the group tried to cope with some busted-arse dummies, bought clothes and made new friends.
Back in the bus, the road trip continued by heading to Sipiso Piso waterfall.
Stinky would like to say that the kids were enchanted by it and didn’t focus more on the mediocre products for sale, but she doesn't want to be a liar. At least some of them encouraged the staff in their silliness. Moose and Trim lead the charge…
…which was – quite frankly – sickening.
We should add some spice and water to the mix…
…and hope it doesn’t make us sick at the other end.
Then it was back on the road for views…
…death-traps…
…and whatever the fuck this thing is.
We went to the usual Chinese restaurant at Parapet (Singgalang), which was fine for the adults, but scary for the kids on account of them being giant wusses. They perked up because there was an Alfamart next door and Stinky couldn’t even get mad because she found out there was merch – bags and an actual Alfamart card game, what will they think of next?
The eagle-eyed reader will notice that we didn’t stop to explore a traditional Karo highlands house or the tribal kings’ house of the Simalungun Batak in Pematang Purba. Both appear to be victims of COVID…and the inevitable rot of the tropics. Boooooo!
Meanwhile, at Lake Toba, the port has had a facelift and is almost nice (as ports go). Trim recalled his time circumnavigating Australia with Matthew Flinders, and took us across the lake to our old friend, Tabo Cottages.
It was a nice, calm crossing, and this time there was very little smoke or haze, so we could see the other side of the lake.
For this part of the trip Stinky had splashed out to get the staff single rooms and they were all so brave about being by themselves at night. Stinky was particularly excited about having two beds just for herself, and took care to lie on one during the day and the other at night.
Before she could get to lounging around, the fact there was beer in the fridge sent Stinky on a room hop – imagine your teacher knocks on your door, walks in, rummages around a moment, and then wanders out with four beers. Given how many rooms she needed to visit, we can all agree it was a terrible shame she didn’t get to keep them!
Moose does not have appearances to keep up, so pretended he drank all of these, but really, he just found them by the side of the pool. IT’S RUBBISH, MOOSE, YOU’RE NOT COOL.
Abstinence aside, everyone should feel sorry for these poor people for having to stay here…
…particularly if you happen to be a vegetarian.
The next day was a scheduled rest day, which might have encouraged the kids to get sick (or just gave them space to slow down enough for upset tummies to catch up with them). Fortunately, with the day at our leisure (apart from pre-ordered lunch and dinner), the brave could wander the peninsula, and the afflicted could lie around and feel frail and piteous. It is an outrage not yet addressed that Stinky does not get a commission for marching the shopping corps around to souvenir shops! Lunch was at a place called “Mario’s” of all things, which came complete with a British lady with the best northern English-accented Indonesian we’ve ever heard – who would want to miss that?!
Feel sorry for the kid called Kitty who couldn’t come to lunch – or could she? After all, if this cat could show up…?
Stinky would have liked to have said that the lovely views are mostly unchanged, but that would be a lie, on account of the new six story monstrosity that is the island’s new five star restaurant. We will enjoy not staying there in the future.
Stinky remembered a place where you could get things engraved on things like keyrings and necklaces, and wondered if the kids would like it, too. They very much did, and this compounded the injustice of not getting a finder’s fee again!
The next day it was back on the boat on a misty morning, to see what’s left to see on the tourist-route on Samosir.
Stinky knew that one of the most recent victims was the ‘bored shuffle dance’ at Simanindo, which is a shame (well, a shame for people who haven’t seen it, Stinky was less upset to ‘miss out’ this time). So instead, the group headed straight to a newly renovated Ambarita, which was somehow less cool after its facelift. It mostly looks the same…
…but the tree is having a hard time surviving and the guides didn’t really play up the “judgement and execution” angle, which – let’s face it – is the most fun.
So it was only fair and just that Stinky took it upon herself to put Pak Botak in prison.
Moose and Trim thought they’d been getting away with all their shenanigans and naughty behaviour, until Kitler (Kitty Hitler) judged them, too.
On our way to the Ultimate Judgement Place, no one was more surprised than Stinky to discover that the bored shuffle dance had respawned in the shape of automatons. Automatons! In the year of our Lord 2024!! Moose was delighted that Gulai Kecil took him and Trim in for the ride.
The execution spot has been done up even more fancy than the other part, and Pak Botak had no choice but to face justice for his crimes against fashion (Moose helped).
And then, of course, all of Moose’s jealousy of the attention Trim had been getting came to the fore, and he executed him, too.
The exit is still through the obligatory market, only this time we found that it now had permanent walls and whatever the hell is going on here. Has a giant Carp Lord manifested, why is that fish everywhere??
Having escaped and made it back on the boat, we pushed on to the kings’ tombs at Tomok. If anything, there were even more shops than last time, which invigorated the children more than any unique cultural experience had thus far managed to do.
Here are the tombs, in all their unchanged glory.
There were enough cool people left in the group who knew that playing with stone statues was more actually fun than paying $20 for a $2 hat, so they helped Stinky and Moose go around the back to see if the extra statues were still there. Moose kept a lookout….
… and we were successful!
We still don’t know why they are there, or what they represent – we only know that they used to be in a circle, then buried in grass and now they’re playing chess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Then while Stinky waited on toilet-duty (as is her lot in life), she noticed an Aldi version of the bored shuffle dance being performed in the distance and firmly resolved not to mention it to anyone, lest they think she was interested in it and make everyone attend.
Tomok must have heard about Ambarita’s ‘What the hell is that?’ theme, and was doing its best to join in. Is…is that another fish?!
Meanwhile, Pak Botak found a wheelbarrow full of durian and made it everyone else’s problem, too. Only about ¼ of the students were brave enough to honk into it, and it’s safe to say that they were less than impressed.
As some time had passed, Idris the Grumpy Pirate was starting to thaw. As mentioned, he is someone that you could say has a senyum mahal (an expensive smile). Without a twitch, he had heard Stinky trot out her favourite joke a few times (that is, that a week ago her hair was black, and now it has turned grey because of the students). Then what does Stinky overhear him saying one day? “Oh, that’s one of the teachers, her hair used to be black!” Stinky sees you, Idris, Stinky sees you!
All these shenanigans had barely brought the group up to midday, so it was back on the boat to head out to have lunch at the Binanga Bolon Waterfall. As part of the tour, some genius included a couple of guys playing live music, and they asked for requests. They thought we’d ask for bangers like ‘Sweet Caroline’ (which they played unprompted), but Stinky had other ideas.
She had a quiet word with them, and while they didn’t know it straight away, they came back after lunch with a banging, reggae version of – you guessed it! – Abang Tukang Bakso!
We got to the waterfall, which tumbles down the sheer cliff-face, into the sheer depths of Lake Toba and everyone immediately agreed, yeah, nah, we won’t be swimming there!
These two guys who got there before us were much more brave, so we watched as they had a go - we’re pretty sure they didn’t die, so that’s nice.
All members of Stinky’s party made it back to Tabo Cottages in one piece, where Pak Rossaksa was patiently waiting with the one student who was too ill to come with.
There was another lovely sunset, then a fashion show of the Best Buys of the Day, and then everyone girded their loins for more travel.
The next morning, on achieving the mainland, the kids immediately spent 40 minutes in an Alfamart (later complaining that lunch was 40 minutes late… I don’t know what to tell you, kid, if you have a good hard think you may be able to spot a correlation…).
Despite the delay, they got back to Hotel Deli River by late afternoon – hello, lake and surviving geese!
Unfortunately for the serenity, there is a pack of 14-year-old boys who like to hang out on the fence line and attention-seek in the rankest ways they can think of. The Deli River/Trijaya crew were horrified when these little shits harassed the kids as they went to their rooms – turns out this was the first time they’d graduated to heckling (and exhibitionism). The security team chased them off, and Diana’s team immediately called all their parents, while Frederick assures us that they’ll not be back, particularly after dark. Apparently even the grossest teenage sex-pest is still (justifiably) afraid of the Kuntilanak that lives down the back. As an added layer of protection Pak Rossaksa spent some time hanging out in the security centre which he accidentally found when he snuck off for a ‘coffee break’ [read: sneaky smoke].
For our last supper the Trijaya crew put on a lovely selamatan dinner with special rice and food – again, only appreciated by the Year 11s, 12s and staff (no reason for the Year 9 or 10s to change their attitudes now!).
Stinky had saved the KK gift exchange and Senior Student Awards til the next morning, to let the floppy have a chance to hydrate and get less floppy. Stinky’s KK could have kicked it out of the park by collecting the shower caps from every hotel as a gag gift, but did a pretty good job by getting Trim some engraved bling.
The Senior Student awards were awards given out to every student and staff member based on things observed over the course of the trip (like the kid who was The Black Hole of Belongings, i.e., the one who left something behind everywhere). They also went around getting gag photos of everyone to use in a PowerPoint, that was fun! Stinky accepts her award as fair, but still isn’t sure about the photo (the kids decided that she was a secret local because she seemed to know someone everywhere they went).
The flight wasn’t until late, but the group needed to get out of the hotel, so we finally decided to give the shoppers what they wanted – a trip to the Mall. Frederick told us about a cool mall with a rad post office across the road, but Idris was having none of that shit – Sun Plaza had okay parking and that’s where we were going. Boy howdy, we were preparing something excited!
Everyone did our best to help stimulate the economy, despite how full everyone’s bags were. They were there for a few hours too long, which led Stinky to philosophical questions like ‘Is teh botol (bottled tea) still teh botol is it comes in a box, particularly when there’s already a rival product called teh kotak (boxed tea)?’
Before you could say ‘ugh, like it matters!’ it was time to head to Medan’s international airport. Everyone changed into their team t-shirts (including The Black Hole of Belongings, who chose to wash her top last night, so had to wear it wet). We made it to security (with only one person leaving their passport behind on a shelf) and bid farewell to Pak Rossaksa, who was going on to Yogya to resume his long service leave.
Stinky foolishly thought there might be a little bit of time to go shopping for batik shirts like last time, but instead, she had to accompany two students (at two separate times!) to the Sekret Back Rooms, where Very Serious Airport Staff commanded them to take contraband out of their luggage. At least this time the bags were actually in the room! The hairspray, Bushman repellent and mousse that made it all the way from Lombok on two flights were suddenly an unacceptable risk. Well, if he was going to take that kid’s mousse, then at the very least, the lad could hold The Moose.
Then it was off to Jakarta, where surely a Stinky could find herself a batik shirt. But first, there was this inexplicable display for Trim to mock.
Trim was swift in his mockery so that didn’t take too long – there should be plenty of time on the other side of security…except, oh no, Gulai Kecil has left her phone and EarPods on the plane! This was uncharacteristic and she was absolutely mortified, which gives her all the leeway all the Sookie-McGees don’t get. They charged back the entire length and depth of the airport, via many unhelpful people, all the way back to Garuda Customer Service. There they had to wait anxiously for what felt like forever but was probably just a little bit, until they brought the missing stuff off the plane in a sick bag and all was well.
Gulai Kecil was very hard on herself, but the Garuda lady scoffed and said it could be worse, very professionally showing us a Japanese passport that had also been left behind.
Having given up on her dream of batik shopping, Stinky consoled herself by playing with inexplicable cut outs, and Moose had time to be defiant, so it could all have been much worse.
We also had time to watch OH&S in action – look at the harnesses on these boys! Marvel at what they’re not attached to!
We found the rest of the crew…
…and Stinky thought that perhaps she should let them know about how they could give themselves a little treat. Enter: Advance Relax & Go.
Rp20 000 rupiah bought each brave chair-sitter eight minutes of being assaulted by giant, mechanical fingers, including one bit where it pokes you right up the bum. Nope, don’t like that!
Stinky doesn't like these ondel-ondel statues either, as they’re usually animatedly roaming the street, mugging people for charity. These ones stayed very still, but that was no reason to trust them.
At 2am, the plane finally took off, and before you knew it, we were almost home.
The last hurdle to heroically leap over is getting back into the country. Some kids had trouble with their customs forms – to be fair, some of the questions are super tricky. How about ‘What name do I write?’ (answer: the one on your passport); and ‘Should I do my home address or the Gull Office as my place of residence?’ (??). Still, it could have been worse, and we all got through customs smoothly. Everyone galloped out to the chartered Gull Bus, making it back to Geelong by the time the next scheduled bus was ready to leave Tulla. Most doting parents were there to pick their kids up bang on time, and just like usual, the ones who should have said thank you/goodbye the loudest were the ones who snatched up their offspring and disappeared without a trace. Stinky’s favourite was the parent who waited until the bus arrived at the Gull to leave their house – who doesn’t love spending that extra 40 minutes in the cold, cheers for that.
But all up, it could have been worse – we definitely came home with a better ratio of students than back in 2019 (100%, woo!). Stinky also noticed that while she had prepared the kids for the possibility of an earthquake in Indonesia (it didn’t happen), if we’d stayed put, we would have felt one at Lake Bolac, out in the western bit of Victoria. Huh.
Having experienced the expected number of earthquakes, Moose was happy to be home, and even got a present from Java!
Three cheers for everyone, your reward is to do even more work in the future! Hooray!!!!
Um, obviously Stinky won custody because she left a week earlier.
She had a fair chunk of PTSD to work through after the last trip, but this time Pak Rossaksa couldn’t miss the Gull Bus, because he was meeting us in Indonesia. And look, there was a Pak Rossaksa at the airport, anyway!
(apologies to random, bald, glasses-guy, but if you're going to be at the airport at the same time as Rossaksa would have been, you're going to get paparazzi’d).
For the 3am departure, we chose to charter the Gull Bus, not least so that it was harder to miss than when you get the one that departs at the will of the timetable. Unlike The Last Time, all the kids assured Stinky that they didn’t have any custody restrictions, so the Feds probably wouldn’t pounce onto them at Departures, and they all promised they wouldn’t do anything stupid enough to get sent home within the first 24 hours – all of this came to pass, so that was a 100% improvement on the last trip!
This time Stinky and Pak Rossaksa were joined by Si Uang (who happens to be the wife of Jez from 2015’s Sumatran adventure), Pak Botak and 20 students ranging in age from 14-18.
It was lovely that they embraced old traditions, like giving Trim the Cat attention and playing with arcane tools at the airport.
This time the plan was to go back to the sister-school in Lombok, and pair that with some eco-tourism in North Sumatra (you know, same old, same old!). Just in case everything started to seem a little bit too easy, the post-COIVD universe decided to make sure that getting 24 people to Lombok would involve some obstacles. Like…getting there.
The proposed flight schedule suggested that we fly to Bali, stay overnight, fly to Jakarta, change flights and then fly to Lombok. Yeah, sounds like a treat for all involved (particularly with Garuda’s proclivity for doing loop-de-loops).
Stinky decided that this sounded like some grade A bullshit, and that if they were going to overnight, they’d have a chill first day in Bali, and then take a fast boat to Lombok the next day. Okay yeah, that’d knock one day of the students being in their Lombok homestay, but no problem, it’s all chill. An excellent plan!
Bali airport was cool, in a hot way.
But not too long before departure, Garuda realized that the post-COVID universe might need some help with a fuckery, and doubled down on the fuckery - after tickets were all booked and paid, no less! How, you ask? Oh, just by cancelling the homeward flight, which meant that Stinky then had to either knock another two days off the trip or get home two days later. Enough of the holidays had already been gobbled up, so guess where had to get knocked off? Yep, Lombok homestay! Kasihan deh loh :(
Undaunted, Stinky’s intrepid crew chose to make the most of the short time they were in Bali. They power-walked down to a slightly dilapidated mall that was infested with cheerleaders (doing a competition) and sinisterly pushy furries (no idea what they were there for, but the Year 11s decided to collect the set).
Moose had no fricken idea what was going on here, but he said if he had to come on an adventure, he could at least get some attention.
No one got murdered by the mascots, which meant a jolly poolside BBQ while waiting for Pak Rossaksa to join (from Yogya via Makassar).
Sleep is for the weak, which meant a bit of a snooze before leaving the hotel at 6am and heading for the ‘fast’ boat. TWIST! There was nothing fast about anything, as the 8am boat ended up being a 10am boat. What better breakfast atmosphere can one hope for than eating takeaway on a bus in a carpark? Oh well, at least the kids did the dishes!
The fast boat should only take a couple of hours, vs the five-hour ferry. Four and a half hours later, with no aircon and a struggling fan, we were still bobbing off Gili Trawangan and Stinky was beginning to consider swimming. Moose refused, on account of him not liking wet stuffing and how he reckons he couldn’t have dragged all his stuff with him.
The goal was to get to school at SMAN 1, Mataram (hereafter SMANSA), where awaited a formal reception for a bunch of sweaty, faded kids who wished for nothing more than to have to appear engaged and excited to be there.
Nonetheless, the students overcame and eventually they all got whisked away with their host families, and the staff got taken out for dinner. Where to go when out for dinner in Mataram…? Well, how about the same place that Bu Dayu took us last year, with D’admiral and Chuckles?! Then an invitation was extended for staff to attend a wedding the following day, and Stinky has never heard Pak Rossaksa’s thoughts so clearly (screaming nooooo, and what a torrent amount of foul language!). Fortunately, Stinky is a fluent translator of such thoughts and was able to politely decline on everyone’s behalf.
So, then it was that, to the horror of ceremony-lovers everywhere, instead of going to a wedding, the next day these staff were footloose and fancy-free. Despite it being a Monday, it was Maulid (the Prophet’s birthday), so there was no school. Stinky had previously considered organising a full-group day trip but had come down on the side of “Yeah nah don’t want to.” So instead, the staff had a provisional morning off (the caveat being they had to be on hand in case of any student crises). They spend their time coming to terms with suggestive billboards and oddly beautiful cigarette ads…
Then they had to go to Senggigi for lunch, it was very hard, but they were super brave about it…
Moose made friends with a coconut...
…and while they waited for the results of the pregnancy test, a lovely lunch was had by the rest. They were some of the few bule on the beach, notwithstanding this rogue corpse (not really).
Si Uang and Pak Botak might have thought that Stinky was showing them the sights, but, really her ulterior motive was to go to Lombok Exotic to get a bunch of souvenirs for cheap. Luckily they were down for it, and before you could say “put a sticker on me so my driver gets their kickback”, Si Uang and Stinky got team t-shirts, which turned out to be a little sexier than we expected.
Pak Botak and Stinky also headed to Gramedia for a bit of Indonesian book shopping, and before you could say ‘But I was enjoying that!’ it was already night time.
The setting of the sun heralded a reunion of the staff, so Stinky and Pak Botak scooped them up and headed out for a posh dinner at a nearby hotel. Fun fact, back in the day, should you require a frothy, refreshing beer, you could always get one from the Alfamart. Then a bit later, you could only get it from hotels. Now you can’t get beer at all from the hotel we were staying at, and the one nearby only served ‘alcohol’ upstairs. I mean, beer was served downstairs, but apparently that doesn’t count as alcohol (except where it does)? Good thing this was a school trip and no one should have got one even if they could, but I ask you!?!
It's generally a poor sign if you are the only people eating at a place, not least because you end up being very closely observed. Pak Rossaksa encouraged Si Uang to try the ayam taliwang so he could show off his ability to eat spicy food. Now, Si Uang is no enemy of the spice, but when the baby chicken came with the head attached, she couldn’t bring herself to deal with it - we exiled it to another table and despite the close scrutiny we were under, it just…stayed there. We did not turn our heads to see what Moose was up to, but he assured us that everything was above board and tickety-boo.
After that brief respite away from the students, the next morning they were up and at SMANSA for a 7:15 start. Originally the plan had been to be there for the better part of a school week, but with the universe’s fuckery, we ended up with just one and a half days at school. Undeterred, they still showed up looking the part, for Stinky had stuck with the plan of having them uniforms made!
Although the kids were sad about how little time they had, Stinky can guarantee that after the second day they would have been bored, tired, and sick of being polite – but how lucky for them that they did not have to come to that realisation on their own!
Over 10 years ago, one of the then-SMANSA students had a wonderful time staying with Pak Botak and his family. He saw on the socials that the team was back again and galloped screaming in to catch up with his former host brother. A lovely reunion was had by all – and what a difference time makes!
SMANSA’s English teacher (Bu Dayu) is an absolute gun, and had activities for the kids to do, like singing, drumming and dancing. But first they went to an English class, to answer questions pulled out of a hat. It was gruelling!
“WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD?”
“WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT LOMBOK?”
“WHAT IS THE BIGGEST SURPRISE FOR YOU IN INDONESIA?”
Stinky don't know about the kids, but she imagines at least one of the staff could have replied, “I didn’t expect to watch a stuffed Moose try and fuck a coconut AND a dead chicken, but here we are…”
Never one to take the backseat, Year 11 student, Gulai Kecil, decided to take control. She has made every presentation of the year about bakso, and is obsessed with the song Abang Tukang Bakso.
The song is an absolute banger, and if you look closely, it has been viewed 1.2 billion times (only about half of that is by Gulai Kecil). So, imagine her delight when Gulai Kecil pulled her question from the hat and it said – “What is your favourite food?” There is only one reasonable response! Gulai Kecil could speak her answer – or she could answer it… IN SONG!
Following this, Stinky was emotionally prepared to have to trot around being a paparazza all day, but whoo hoo, it wasn’t even an all day, because school ended about two hours early on account of a staff professional development day! God bless these lazy teachers and their ever-decreasing hours in the classroom, why do they even need professional development anyway, and have you heard how many holidays they get – I ask you.
With all this free time up her sleeve, Stinky decided she’d better go get cash out to pay Bu Dayu back for the uniforms. This means of course they ended up at the mall (the Lombok Epicentrum mall, not the old one that Stinky still has a soft spot for). Moose galloped straight to his favourite place…
A student who works at McDonalds in Australia went to McDonalds Indonesia to make some new friends…
.. and meanwhile of course the school’s cash card didn’t work when Stinky needed to withdraw 7 million rupiah. While they waited for it to sort themselves out, they went to lunch which was a very different experience to last time with D’admiral and Chuckles, because this time it wasn’t Ramadan, so everything was open.
Back at the bank of ATMs where she finally got the bastard card to work, Stinky had the opportunity to observe advertising campaign, fueling her belief that everyone needs to run a communication by 12-year-old boy and 40 year old woman – just to help with optics.
Back at the hotel, in a rare case of Reverse Theft, the cleaners left us with some eyebrow tint. Hmmm…. yeah not using that.
Moose wasn’t using it either, he was too busy counting his money and waving at the Masjid Raya Hubbul Wathan in the sunset (I don't think that worldly money and the mosque are connected, it’s just what Moose happened to be doing at the same time).
Before you could say ‘But I’m not bored yet!!!’ it was our last day in Lombok. You know what that means – speeches!! Long, rambling speeches from the principal!! The speeches were so long that Bu Dayu texted an apology for ‘her boring principal’. Stinky tried to compensate with a much shorter speech, and thus commenced much handing out of souvenirs by the hosts.
Karin was a student who came to Australia when SMANSA visited Oz back in May. She was much more outgoing in Australia and was able to subtly educate Stinky on just how rude certain rude words are. Although she did not update Stinky’s vocabulary this time, she is still Stinky’s favourite!
Formalities over, the team was let loose for a few minutes, whereupon some of the girls decided to destroy the SMANSA boys with a quick game of basketball. They dodged and wove and confused them mightily with some netball moves.
Then that was it for Lombok, they were off!
But not so fast! One can not go to the airport without stopping at the workplace of one of our host mums – the Institut Pemerintahan Dalam Negeri, or Institute of Home Affairs.
It must be difficult to be a woman in this training institute – over 80% of the trainees are men, and they all look like they’ve had their uniforms spray-painted on.
And then they do…whatever is going on in this picture.
While the lads tried to get the social media details of our students, Stinky met some very patient women and accepted a plaque on behalf of the school.
And the group was really off, for real!
While on the plane, Stinky noticed that Garuda has some nice advertising on their cups – although it would work much better if English wasn’t a stupid language.
Before you could say ‘Are we in Jakarta already?’ everyone piled on a bus for the 2km drive to the most convenient hotel (fun twist, this bus drive took about the same time to drive as it would have to walk). The hotel was just an airport hotel, but it went all-out on the strangeness.
First of all, if you’re disabled or can’t walk distances, you can get stuffed, because everything is at least half a kilometre away from anything, though eerie hallways. There are no lifts that are accessible without at least five steps in front of them (or an unusably steep ramp).
Then there’s whatever the fuck is going on in this lobby (which is deserted and was accessible only via a three-minute external drive in a golf buggy).
Moose found a lift to the roof bar, and considered taking its advice, but lacked the motor skills to really get it sorted.
Luckily, we were there for a short time, not a long time, and since sleep is for losers, everyone was up again at 3am to hop a flight to Medan, North Sumatra. Si Uang and Stinky rocked the Lombok shirts like no one’s business.
The bus to the airport was a lot quicker at 3am, and it would have been even faster if a Year 9 hadn’t left her green folder of Important Things (eg, money, ID) in her room, which the careful reader will remember was like…500 metres away and two floors up. Thank goodness she hadn’t realised earlier, lest the group been able to depart in a stress-free manner!
Being the naïve darlings they are, on the way out of town the students wanted to know why they weren’t going to spend a day of sightseeing in Jakarta. Rather than trash talk the Big Durian, Stinky told them that we had to get out so soon to make sure we weren’t there when Pye gets there. You see, she solemnly explained, when both of us are in the same city in Indonesia on International Talk Like a Pirate Day, the clash of energies would unleash thousands of tiny pirates upon the city, and we couldn’t be having that on our consciences. This is both true and accurate. Given the hour, the kids decided it was too early to engage further on the topic – in fact, this guy summed up the mood.
Indifferent of the date, Moose continued his poor behaviour (he behaves in a piratical manner 365, 24/7).
Stinky could have done with at least a bit of back up when she was dealing with the Garuda staff, who took her into a room with a student and insisted that the kid had something in her bag that couldn’t fly and that it needed to be removed.
The most baffling part of the scenario was when the child genuinely could not comply with the demand, on account of her bag not being present in the room.
“Take the bad things out of your bag!” said the airport staff.
“I can’t, my bag isn’t here!” said the child, quite reasonably (and Stinky also explained in Indonesian, so no one can say it was a language problem).
“Look, just take the bad thing out of your bag, and then you can go!” said the officious man.
“I would, but I am not in the same room as my bag??”
“Ungh!!” said the exasperated and totally very correct man.
After much back and forth, it all got too boring for the officious man in question, and they could just… leave. God knows what ended up on the plane, but it took off and landed safely so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It’s only a short flight, and before you could say ‘But I was enjoying that nap!’, the group was in Medan!
They were greeted by agents from Trijaya, when they found out that our steadfast ally Diana is retiring! There was a brief minute of panic where Stinky tried to envisage what to do without her, but she was quickly assured that her son Frederick and his partner Tricia are taking over, under her supervision, so we’re not too scared.
Our guide turned out to be the same as the guide before, and the one before – was Idris the grumpy pirate! Our old friend with senyum mahal (and expensive smile)! He greeted the group with characteristic grimness and popped us all on a bus so we could embark on the requisite (s)chity tour. We started at the mosque, which was still a bit dressed up from the prophet’s birthday.
Pak Rossaksa took the group photo, but the silly sausage cut off the dome!
But it’s okay, Pak Botak got a dome shot!
We had a bit of a look around – the kids were fascinated and couldn’t wait to get back to the bus at all.
Regular readers of the blog will know that the second obligatory stop on a (s)chity tour is the Maimun Palace.
Therein we revived our trend of recreating paintings…
…and acknowledged the greatness of our compatriots.
At least this lot of students didn’t think that they were too cool to dress up!
To this day, Stinky still doesn’t know if there are any other places in the vicinity for lunch, because once again the group ended up at the colonial/Chinese splendour that is the Tip Top bakery/cafe. Idris didn’t appear to also be eating there, and Stinky was very confused when she had to sign a different bill for herself – turns out that Stinky got the free guide’s meal, which was a nice compensation for mostly missing lunch in favour of spending 40 minutes talking down a student who was having a reason-free freakout.
However, it wasn’t all revisiting places, Stinky actually got to go somewhere new – the Tjong A Fie Mansion. Another colonial/Chinese historical jewel, it was built in 1895 (a good 30 years after Stinky’s school, pshaw!).
Stinky immediately busied herself recreating pictures and photos and had enormous fun, while also muttering fuck colonialism.
Even Trim got in on the act!
In this instance, everyone picked their favourite character in the photo to recreate, but it’s hard to tell if some of them are doing a Bit, or it’s just their normal faces.
Thanks to some continuous use, the house has a range of styles, from the 19th century, all the way up to the best of 1985.
The kids had split into two groups by this point – ‘Team Let Me Go Shopping Or I’ll Be Cranky’ and ‘Team Let Me Have A Swim And Go To Bed Or I’ll Be Cranky.’ Stinky was ‘Team You Think This Is A Democracy But It’s Actually A Bu-ocracy And You Will Do What Bu Tells You,’ and this Bu Stinky was taking them to the hotel.
Thanks to Garuda’s fuckery, we couldn’t stay at Hotel Deli River like normal, so ended up in the Radisson Hotel. It's a strange hotel, in a different way to the Jakarta Hotel. Its oddest trait was the way the lifts would stop at random floors, but that was easily explained by the fact that we were picking up and dropping off ghosts.
Everyone was under strict orders to pack up anything they didn’t need from Lombok into one bag, to be sent off to Hotel Deli River for us to pick up again at the end. There was so much more junk than we could have imagined!
All prepared to travel more lightly, it was time to start the Sumatran road trip. The same kid who left her stuff in the hotel in Jakarta also left some other stuff in this one – what must it be like to live in a world where everyone has to wait while you go back for your shit? The next thing that will be left behind will be her at this rate!
The roads to Tangkahan had somehow become even worse than the last time we were there. The brave and resilient team finally got to Tangkahan to find that there are actually two Mega Inns these days, and #2 has air-conditioning!! And brick walls!! The kids were unimpressed, but Stinky was very impressed by the politeness of the monkeys and the way the dogs managed the furry bastards (“garrrn get orf mah bridge!!”).
Stinky was also impressed that Mega Inn 2 is The World That OH&S Forgot, and it comes with cool snails (unless the snails are in charge of the OH&S requirements, in which case they need to step up their game).
The team was there for some eco-tourism, and the program included ‘tree planting’. This just turned out to be an opportunity to have a bit of a walk in the jungle/river, before we shoved mahogany trees into holes the men pre-dug for us. Not going to lie, this is exactly the type of tree planting Stinky can get on board with, digging holes is the worst.
What else does one expect to find in the jungle? Oh yeah that’s right - poo in a bag!
Finally, it was time for the main event – the elephant washing.
It was all a bit different – the road is paved, there’s a fancy new concrete office, and you now have to go across a bridge to get to the washing site. Oh, and the gate comes with zombies now??
What hadn’t changed was Bu Lis, our tiny best friend from the merch stall! She remembered Stinky’s name, and also asked after Pye by name, bless her. We’re just happy she’s still in business, we were quite concerned that COVID might have done for her business.
Luckily, she and her business have made it through unscathed, Stinky made it worth her while opening up that morning, with everyone picking up something nice, even if the elephant t-shirt appears to be an African elephant with a European background.
But forget shopping, this is supposed to be about elephants! It must be admitted that Trim rather monopolised the elephants’ attention this time…
… but that’s really on Moose for not being more assertive. We almost had the elephants to ourselves, apart from a Dutch couple who would end up following us around North Sumatra. One of Stinky’s favourite pastimes is meeting Europeans who think they’re on a once-in-a-lifetime exotic adventure at the end of the world…and presenting them with 20 teenagers who are unimpressed at anything that they’ve seen (unless it’s an Alfamart). However, to be fair, the kids did seem to like the elephants.
Next stop was Bukit Lawang, which isn’t that far as the crow flies. Alas, this group were not crows, and the bridge was out. If these are the bridges that are still in use, Stinky would have loved to see the broken one (unless it involved another five-hour trip, in which case she’s not that keen on it).
So instead of a short run, this was the route:
On the plus side, there was a stop at a rad restaurant, where four of the kids tried chicken feet (and were very good about it – they actually liked them!), and we met this cut out. A cut out of a sketchy-looking guy is generally unremarkable, but this one took this photo himself. How? On a Samsung, holding up five fingers triggers the phone to take a photo in selfie mode. So, Moose snuggled in, Stinky got her phone out and suddenly this guy was taking photos left, right and centre!
It was around this time when a student casually told Stinky that the universe had delivered a comeuppance to the student who keeps leaving things behind. Apparently, her roommate had done a poo, and it hadn’t quite all gone away (hello Bob!). Forgetty-McGee went to the loo and accidentally dropped her toilet paper in. She did the right thing and fished it out, but accidentally touched Bob! Boom, karma! That’s what you get!
Speaking of karma, Stinky owes an apology and a thank you to our Grade 4 teacher. Back in the day, she had an inexplicable need for us all to know what 7x8 equals - none of the other times tables received this attention, but woe betide the student who couldn’t shout FIFTY-SIX on command. This becomes relevant when you find out that the hotel at Bukit Lawang (not the Eco Lodge this time, boo) royally stuffed up our laundry – mixed up rooms (so now the kids know that Pak Botak has Sonic the Hedgehog undies), and mixed dark and lights to stain whites blue. Stinky was helping a kid get her money back (the chap at reception suggested a re-wash, but we were having none of that). So, says Stinky, that’s 7 pairs of unmentionables at Rp8 000 each… why, I don’t even need to think about it, that’s Rp56 000. So, thank you Mrs Prussner, it only took 37 years, but we see the relevance now.
While they were busy stuffing up the washing, the intrepid travellers were hiking. And who should be leading them but our old friend Surya! He has now led a Pye group in 2016, our family group in 2017, 2018’s Pye group, and Stinky’s 2019 adventure. What a lucky man!
The reader will be delighted to learn that he still has his favourite move of catching ants to play with!
Off they went, puffing their way up the steep hill – gosh hiking post-COVID is fun!
There is an obligatory photo stop where we tried to recreate the last one from 2019:
Then they tried to make a new one for the next group, but considering how many faces were covered, it doesn’t look like it’s going to catch on.
The jungle is pretty and all, but it wouldn’t make up for not seeing any orangutans, which was more of a risk than in previous years.
Our old nemesis Mina hasn’t been seen since COVID – either she hasn’t made it, or she decided that it wasn’t worth sticking around if nobody was going to pay her any attention. Luckily Stinky needn’t have worried – others have moved in! The newcomers don’t have names – they’re true wild orangutans!
So, there were lots of lovely fresh rangas to admire, including these ones who were post-coital [allegedly].
Even the students agreed that morning tea was a delight, and Moose had a lovely time. Stinky had a lovely time making a kid cry by suggesting that she should drink some water (what a monster!).
Stinky took a short cut with some kids that couldn’t keep up with the group (it’s nice to realise that even post-COVID-lung Stinky is still fitter than some 17-year-olds). While they were waiting for everyone who went the long way, they sat with a ‘peacock’ (which was actually a type of pheasant) while he cleaned up the forest floor and shouted for any bitches that might wanna come get some.
What a wonderfully silly fellow – if Stinky hadn’t seen the sound come out of his mouth, she’d have assumed that there was a Year 8 boy hanging out in the jungle.
This was a very well-catered hike, for lunch was served in the Jungle Restaurant (the reality of which bitterly disappointed some of the children who were somehow expecting a full-blown restaurant in the middle of a national park).
It had the most stylish staff anyone had seen for a while – some of which shared Stinky’s hair cut…
…and they keenly observed the patrons, waiting for the chance to clean up. Idris suggested that we could feed them some fruit, but Stinky said no, it’s not 2004, we don’t do that these days.
Back at river-level near the hotel, the sensible gratefully flopped in the river, fully dressed - it was glorious.
What no one expected was the fact there were loads of English students waiting to pounce for some interviews, while we stood, sogged through to our underpants.
We finally got away and changed into dry bras, and Stinky took a bunch of kids across the river to do a bit of shopping. The demon-ranga was not for sale!
Moose insisted on a drink at the Eco Lodge and he was right to do so.
Then on the way back, we learned how you can keep meat fresh in the tropics!
Lest we get too comfortable, the group then packed up and bravely forged onwards. Idris arranged a stop in a palm oil plantation, where once again, the kids were fascinated (only they were not, because it’s not opposite day). Lucky for them, Stinky found her first putri malu of the trip!
The only ones not getting in on the touch-sensitive grass-fondling business were Trim and his new social media manager, who did a marvellous job of profiling this little cat’s grand adventures.
En route to the next adventure, we stopped for lunch at Hotel Deli River, which felt like coming home. You can see the signs of the next generation of owners (Frederick and Tricia, who’s from Melbourne), most particularly with the new espresso machine. It was really nice to see Diana again, and she didn’t even take the opportunity to punch Stinky in the throat for making her re-do the entire tour after Garuda fucked the itinerary. Stinky got her first Sumatran rendang of the trip and was 90% through it before she realised that the kids were having trouble with how spicy it was (it rated a low 2/10, these kids are soft!).
Medan was just a pit stop on the way to the mountains, where Berastagi is always the sensible stopping point. There’s not a whole lot of things a student group is allowed to do around Berastagi (mountain climbing being out of the question), and Idris is inexplicably besotted by a rich Buddhist’s tax write-off, also known as Pagoda Taman Alam Lumbini. It’s very gold and pretty, in a batshit crazy kind of way.
Moose immediately reminded Trim how to be naughty (Buddha’s wrath be darned)…
…and we added our wishes to the wishing tree. The kids’ enjoyed reading other people’s wishes – their favourite was Nelua and Rid’s, and they too hope those two crazy kids can be together forever and get married soon.
There were pictures of Chinese zodiac animals all around the place, and since it was much quieter than the last time we were there, this horse had time to gallop around to find her and Moose’s zodiacs. They also found out that Trim is a snake, which is very topical, considering we had just learned that a snake ate two of the geese that used to live at Hotel Deli River.
Nonetheless, there’s only so much mindfulness and gold that a body can take, and while Stinky was doing bathroom supervision duty, she regretfully noted that the mini quad bikes were only for children. Out of curiosity, she decided to ask the lady, who said there was no age limit, just a weight limit. Three of the students immediately made Stinky’s day and the only reason we stopped was because the place was closing.
Gulai Kecil bought some manggis (mangosteen) for everyone to try later, while Stinky channeled The Duck Song and struggled not to ask them if they had any lemonade.
The weary travellers got to their hotel (the Grand Mutiara) around 6:30, where the kids who had sworn that it wouldn't be too cold to swim actually swam. This is unusual because it’s genuinely cold up there – around 18 degrees. These kids are the best.
Particularly in comparison to the past couple of places, the kids thought this place was the shit (in a good way). Moose thought this place was shit, because it banned most of his favourite things.
For those forbidden from tottering up a volcano, the only other thing to do in Berastagi is to do some shopping, so the next day we took them to the fruit market, nice and early. Gulai Kecil kept up her love affair with manggis…
…while the rest of the group tried to cope with some busted-arse dummies, bought clothes and made new friends.
Back in the bus, the road trip continued by heading to Sipiso Piso waterfall.
Stinky would like to say that the kids were enchanted by it and didn’t focus more on the mediocre products for sale, but she doesn't want to be a liar. At least some of them encouraged the staff in their silliness. Moose and Trim lead the charge…
…which was – quite frankly – sickening.
We should add some spice and water to the mix…
…and hope it doesn’t make us sick at the other end.
Then it was back on the road for views…
…death-traps…
…and whatever the fuck this thing is.
We went to the usual Chinese restaurant at Parapet (Singgalang), which was fine for the adults, but scary for the kids on account of them being giant wusses. They perked up because there was an Alfamart next door and Stinky couldn’t even get mad because she found out there was merch – bags and an actual Alfamart card game, what will they think of next?
The eagle-eyed reader will notice that we didn’t stop to explore a traditional Karo highlands house or the tribal kings’ house of the Simalungun Batak in Pematang Purba. Both appear to be victims of COVID…and the inevitable rot of the tropics. Boooooo!
Meanwhile, at Lake Toba, the port has had a facelift and is almost nice (as ports go). Trim recalled his time circumnavigating Australia with Matthew Flinders, and took us across the lake to our old friend, Tabo Cottages.
It was a nice, calm crossing, and this time there was very little smoke or haze, so we could see the other side of the lake.
For this part of the trip Stinky had splashed out to get the staff single rooms and they were all so brave about being by themselves at night. Stinky was particularly excited about having two beds just for herself, and took care to lie on one during the day and the other at night.
Before she could get to lounging around, the fact there was beer in the fridge sent Stinky on a room hop – imagine your teacher knocks on your door, walks in, rummages around a moment, and then wanders out with four beers. Given how many rooms she needed to visit, we can all agree it was a terrible shame she didn’t get to keep them!
Moose does not have appearances to keep up, so pretended he drank all of these, but really, he just found them by the side of the pool. IT’S RUBBISH, MOOSE, YOU’RE NOT COOL.
Abstinence aside, everyone should feel sorry for these poor people for having to stay here…
…particularly if you happen to be a vegetarian.
The next day was a scheduled rest day, which might have encouraged the kids to get sick (or just gave them space to slow down enough for upset tummies to catch up with them). Fortunately, with the day at our leisure (apart from pre-ordered lunch and dinner), the brave could wander the peninsula, and the afflicted could lie around and feel frail and piteous. It is an outrage not yet addressed that Stinky does not get a commission for marching the shopping corps around to souvenir shops! Lunch was at a place called “Mario’s” of all things, which came complete with a British lady with the best northern English-accented Indonesian we’ve ever heard – who would want to miss that?!
Feel sorry for the kid called Kitty who couldn’t come to lunch – or could she? After all, if this cat could show up…?
Stinky would have liked to have said that the lovely views are mostly unchanged, but that would be a lie, on account of the new six story monstrosity that is the island’s new five star restaurant. We will enjoy not staying there in the future.
Stinky remembered a place where you could get things engraved on things like keyrings and necklaces, and wondered if the kids would like it, too. They very much did, and this compounded the injustice of not getting a finder’s fee again!
The next day it was back on the boat on a misty morning, to see what’s left to see on the tourist-route on Samosir.
Stinky knew that one of the most recent victims was the ‘bored shuffle dance’ at Simanindo, which is a shame (well, a shame for people who haven’t seen it, Stinky was less upset to ‘miss out’ this time). So instead, the group headed straight to a newly renovated Ambarita, which was somehow less cool after its facelift. It mostly looks the same…
…but the tree is having a hard time surviving and the guides didn’t really play up the “judgement and execution” angle, which – let’s face it – is the most fun.
So it was only fair and just that Stinky took it upon herself to put Pak Botak in prison.
Moose and Trim thought they’d been getting away with all their shenanigans and naughty behaviour, until Kitler (Kitty Hitler) judged them, too.
On our way to the Ultimate Judgement Place, no one was more surprised than Stinky to discover that the bored shuffle dance had respawned in the shape of automatons. Automatons! In the year of our Lord 2024!! Moose was delighted that Gulai Kecil took him and Trim in for the ride.
The execution spot has been done up even more fancy than the other part, and Pak Botak had no choice but to face justice for his crimes against fashion (Moose helped).
And then, of course, all of Moose’s jealousy of the attention Trim had been getting came to the fore, and he executed him, too.
The exit is still through the obligatory market, only this time we found that it now had permanent walls and whatever the hell is going on here. Has a giant Carp Lord manifested, why is that fish everywhere??
Having escaped and made it back on the boat, we pushed on to the kings’ tombs at Tomok. If anything, there were even more shops than last time, which invigorated the children more than any unique cultural experience had thus far managed to do.
Here are the tombs, in all their unchanged glory.
There were enough cool people left in the group who knew that playing with stone statues was more actually fun than paying $20 for a $2 hat, so they helped Stinky and Moose go around the back to see if the extra statues were still there. Moose kept a lookout….
… and we were successful!
We still don’t know why they are there, or what they represent – we only know that they used to be in a circle, then buried in grass and now they’re playing chess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Then while Stinky waited on toilet-duty (as is her lot in life), she noticed an Aldi version of the bored shuffle dance being performed in the distance and firmly resolved not to mention it to anyone, lest they think she was interested in it and make everyone attend.
Tomok must have heard about Ambarita’s ‘What the hell is that?’ theme, and was doing its best to join in. Is…is that another fish?!
Meanwhile, Pak Botak found a wheelbarrow full of durian and made it everyone else’s problem, too. Only about ¼ of the students were brave enough to honk into it, and it’s safe to say that they were less than impressed.
As some time had passed, Idris the Grumpy Pirate was starting to thaw. As mentioned, he is someone that you could say has a senyum mahal (an expensive smile). Without a twitch, he had heard Stinky trot out her favourite joke a few times (that is, that a week ago her hair was black, and now it has turned grey because of the students). Then what does Stinky overhear him saying one day? “Oh, that’s one of the teachers, her hair used to be black!” Stinky sees you, Idris, Stinky sees you!
All these shenanigans had barely brought the group up to midday, so it was back on the boat to head out to have lunch at the Binanga Bolon Waterfall. As part of the tour, some genius included a couple of guys playing live music, and they asked for requests. They thought we’d ask for bangers like ‘Sweet Caroline’ (which they played unprompted), but Stinky had other ideas.
She had a quiet word with them, and while they didn’t know it straight away, they came back after lunch with a banging, reggae version of – you guessed it! – Abang Tukang Bakso!
We got to the waterfall, which tumbles down the sheer cliff-face, into the sheer depths of Lake Toba and everyone immediately agreed, yeah, nah, we won’t be swimming there!
These two guys who got there before us were much more brave, so we watched as they had a go - we’re pretty sure they didn’t die, so that’s nice.
All members of Stinky’s party made it back to Tabo Cottages in one piece, where Pak Rossaksa was patiently waiting with the one student who was too ill to come with.
There was another lovely sunset, then a fashion show of the Best Buys of the Day, and then everyone girded their loins for more travel.
The next morning, on achieving the mainland, the kids immediately spent 40 minutes in an Alfamart (later complaining that lunch was 40 minutes late… I don’t know what to tell you, kid, if you have a good hard think you may be able to spot a correlation…).
Despite the delay, they got back to Hotel Deli River by late afternoon – hello, lake and surviving geese!
Unfortunately for the serenity, there is a pack of 14-year-old boys who like to hang out on the fence line and attention-seek in the rankest ways they can think of. The Deli River/Trijaya crew were horrified when these little shits harassed the kids as they went to their rooms – turns out this was the first time they’d graduated to heckling (and exhibitionism). The security team chased them off, and Diana’s team immediately called all their parents, while Frederick assures us that they’ll not be back, particularly after dark. Apparently even the grossest teenage sex-pest is still (justifiably) afraid of the Kuntilanak that lives down the back. As an added layer of protection Pak Rossaksa spent some time hanging out in the security centre which he accidentally found when he snuck off for a ‘coffee break’ [read: sneaky smoke].
For our last supper the Trijaya crew put on a lovely selamatan dinner with special rice and food – again, only appreciated by the Year 11s, 12s and staff (no reason for the Year 9 or 10s to change their attitudes now!).
Stinky had saved the KK gift exchange and Senior Student Awards til the next morning, to let the floppy have a chance to hydrate and get less floppy. Stinky’s KK could have kicked it out of the park by collecting the shower caps from every hotel as a gag gift, but did a pretty good job by getting Trim some engraved bling.
The Senior Student awards were awards given out to every student and staff member based on things observed over the course of the trip (like the kid who was The Black Hole of Belongings, i.e., the one who left something behind everywhere). They also went around getting gag photos of everyone to use in a PowerPoint, that was fun! Stinky accepts her award as fair, but still isn’t sure about the photo (the kids decided that she was a secret local because she seemed to know someone everywhere they went).
The flight wasn’t until late, but the group needed to get out of the hotel, so we finally decided to give the shoppers what they wanted – a trip to the Mall. Frederick told us about a cool mall with a rad post office across the road, but Idris was having none of that shit – Sun Plaza had okay parking and that’s where we were going. Boy howdy, we were preparing something excited!
Everyone did our best to help stimulate the economy, despite how full everyone’s bags were. They were there for a few hours too long, which led Stinky to philosophical questions like ‘Is teh botol (bottled tea) still teh botol is it comes in a box, particularly when there’s already a rival product called teh kotak (boxed tea)?’
Before you could say ‘ugh, like it matters!’ it was time to head to Medan’s international airport. Everyone changed into their team t-shirts (including The Black Hole of Belongings, who chose to wash her top last night, so had to wear it wet). We made it to security (with only one person leaving their passport behind on a shelf) and bid farewell to Pak Rossaksa, who was going on to Yogya to resume his long service leave.
Stinky foolishly thought there might be a little bit of time to go shopping for batik shirts like last time, but instead, she had to accompany two students (at two separate times!) to the Sekret Back Rooms, where Very Serious Airport Staff commanded them to take contraband out of their luggage. At least this time the bags were actually in the room! The hairspray, Bushman repellent and mousse that made it all the way from Lombok on two flights were suddenly an unacceptable risk. Well, if he was going to take that kid’s mousse, then at the very least, the lad could hold The Moose.
Then it was off to Jakarta, where surely a Stinky could find herself a batik shirt. But first, there was this inexplicable display for Trim to mock.
Trim was swift in his mockery so that didn’t take too long – there should be plenty of time on the other side of security…except, oh no, Gulai Kecil has left her phone and EarPods on the plane! This was uncharacteristic and she was absolutely mortified, which gives her all the leeway all the Sookie-McGees don’t get. They charged back the entire length and depth of the airport, via many unhelpful people, all the way back to Garuda Customer Service. There they had to wait anxiously for what felt like forever but was probably just a little bit, until they brought the missing stuff off the plane in a sick bag and all was well.
Gulai Kecil was very hard on herself, but the Garuda lady scoffed and said it could be worse, very professionally showing us a Japanese passport that had also been left behind.
Having given up on her dream of batik shopping, Stinky consoled herself by playing with inexplicable cut outs, and Moose had time to be defiant, so it could all have been much worse.
We also had time to watch OH&S in action – look at the harnesses on these boys! Marvel at what they’re not attached to!
We found the rest of the crew…
…and Stinky thought that perhaps she should let them know about how they could give themselves a little treat. Enter: Advance Relax & Go.
Rp20 000 rupiah bought each brave chair-sitter eight minutes of being assaulted by giant, mechanical fingers, including one bit where it pokes you right up the bum. Nope, don’t like that!
Stinky doesn't like these ondel-ondel statues either, as they’re usually animatedly roaming the street, mugging people for charity. These ones stayed very still, but that was no reason to trust them.
At 2am, the plane finally took off, and before you knew it, we were almost home.
The last hurdle to heroically leap over is getting back into the country. Some kids had trouble with their customs forms – to be fair, some of the questions are super tricky. How about ‘What name do I write?’ (answer: the one on your passport); and ‘Should I do my home address or the Gull Office as my place of residence?’ (??). Still, it could have been worse, and we all got through customs smoothly. Everyone galloped out to the chartered Gull Bus, making it back to Geelong by the time the next scheduled bus was ready to leave Tulla. Most doting parents were there to pick their kids up bang on time, and just like usual, the ones who should have said thank you/goodbye the loudest were the ones who snatched up their offspring and disappeared without a trace. Stinky’s favourite was the parent who waited until the bus arrived at the Gull to leave their house – who doesn’t love spending that extra 40 minutes in the cold, cheers for that.
But all up, it could have been worse – we definitely came home with a better ratio of students than back in 2019 (100%, woo!). Stinky also noticed that while she had prepared the kids for the possibility of an earthquake in Indonesia (it didn’t happen), if we’d stayed put, we would have felt one at Lake Bolac, out in the western bit of Victoria. Huh.
Having experienced the expected number of earthquakes, Moose was happy to be home, and even got a present from Java!
Three cheers for everyone, your reward is to do even more work in the future! Hooray!!!!