Why is grass so dangerous?
Apr. 14th, 2024 12:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
capn_n_pyeBecause it’s full of blades.
It’s been about 10 weeks, is our favourite hobby still watching grass grow?
Occasionally we will even get out the shiny clean lawn mower and whippersnipper and give it a haircut! Then we watch it grow again! And sometimes we feed it and watch it grow some more! You should try it, it’s the best!
Term 1 was stupid and busy and stupid and definitely got in the way of all the other things we wanted to get done. So, we're going to ignore most of it, except to say that there is a child out there in the world with a mullet and the amazingly wonderful name of ‘Denim Peacock’, and also if you get this kind of lock, you are a provocative lil sprite who has brought this on yourself.
Also guess what, we found what appears to be Denim’s future wedding invitation!
While we were enjoying sunny weather down here, Instagram’s DegoPunk (famous founding member of our middle-aged-lady-mutual-appreciation society) sent us a cute little surprise – DIY snow! It starts in a tiny little envelope…
… and you just chuck in 1/4 cup of water….
… and it instantly boofs up and becomes light and fluffy and somehow cold!! Then a moose pushes you out of the way, makes snow angels, and has to be put in the back yard to play and get it out of his system. But don’t let that put you off!
For those in the northern hemisphere February and March really is about the cold and snow, but for us, it’s a sheer orgy of birthday celebrations. We saved Belrog a whole year by reminding her she’s not 47 yet and has a whole year before she (like we) will be in her Ruth Phase.
Now, we don’t want to overshadow that, but it’s hard not to when in the same week your Nonna has her 95th birthday – that’s mathematically almost twice as cool! Hey Stinky, nurse this big fat flower arrangement all the way to Melbourne, I dare you!
Bless her, Nonna had made the excellent decision it was time to get our Reception Centre on. This is an activity that we believe is peculiar to Mediterranean Melbournians who emigrated in the 50s, and it is wonderful in every way. It was a 38-degree day, but we weren’t worried because it was definitely an indoor venue. Little did we know, their air con was on the blink and we’d all end up like the Spumante on hand for toasting - fragrant and fruity!
There were at least four other parties sharing the space, though of course not one of them was as cool as ours. For instance, Pye didn't see anyone else who had accidentally dressed to match the carpet. But it doesn't matter, look at all those happy old Italians!
Look at those bravely sweating old ethic grandmas and grandpas shaking their booties! Back in the 90s we’d go to these things every time someone got engaged or baptised a child or had a special event, and we the cousins would always pester the band to play La Bamba. We didn’t even have to ask this time, they just did it themselves and we all had to leap from our seats!
Who doesn’t love an event where you can enter a raffle for a fruit basket only to find that said fruit basket also contains capsicums and sweet potatoes because they’ve probably been sourced from the nonni’s gardens?
Well to be honest, we would have loved it more if we have had won the fruit basket but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anyway, as the mercury soared and everyone peeled off their spanks as discretely as possible, Nonna had a lovely time, and we had cake, and it was all very marvellous.
What else was going on? Oh yeah, D’admiral and Chuckles had also celebrated a wedding anniversary! But not just ANY anniversary… these lil scamps snuck off and eloped FIFTY years ago! Seems like a good reason to book out a reception centre!
They had generously allowed their anniversary to be overshadowed by Nonna’s birthday (or had they brought it on themselves by eloping within 24 hours of her birthday, insert internet poll here). Either way, a couple of weeks later we were delighted to contribute to (enjoy part thereof) the most impressive collection of gold-themed sparkling wine we’ve ever seen in our lives
Other things we’ve never seen in our lives (although D’admiral has) is the creek deciding to fuck off parallel to the sea instead of going straight out like it’s supposed to…
But rebellious water-ways be darned – all hail the festival of Chuckles!
It’s your birthday, we will shout at you! Or sing, idk
Set sweet food stuffs on fire and then bisect them! Then we will stuff them in our faces!
*Everyone* was stuffing things in their faces, even this guy!
Chuckles’ birthday present was blue wren-themed, so of course we had to use DegoPunk’s art for her card, whee hee! Moose was also a good helpful chap who kept watch and helped Chuckles with all her correspondence.
In an unusual turn of events the Cabin Girl, Powder Monkey and their Crew only showed up after we’d had to sadly go home to get ready for work, so we can’t say for certain if more feasting and celebrating took place, but we’re pretty sure it did.
Before we left we made sure to admire Chuckles’ efforts in the Coolart community garden – as if they haven’t had enough attention lately!
Look at her impressive produce!
Look at them
While we were at Coolart, we had a cheeky look in the shop and found water colour prints of different parts of the estate.
We decided instantly they’d go perfectly in the loft, next to the print of the house itself we’d put up last July (we’d chosen to put it in the loft because it’s the Yarrbat of the Spinster Pad – if you know, you know).
They looked great! But the problem then became that we couldn’t bear the sight of how faded the original print was and how the frame was a bit crappy :’(
We thought we’d scan it and give the colours a bit of a jeuje – but then the real problem was revealed that whoever had mounted it had decided to stick it to a Masonite board and the whole bastard had faded like jeans in an acid bath. Fie! Fortunately, the internet exists and we were able to source a replacement – look how much detail had been lost!!
Don’t look too closely, because Stinky might have corrected the spelling mistake on the label that has always bothered us, thus facilitating the death of the artist. Instead, look at this sexy triptych!
Meanwhile, in other parts of the Spinster Pad, Moose was getting a little bit too big for his boots, so we had to crack out the IKEA pasta the Crew had given us. YOU WATCH WHILE WE EAT THE MEESES, YOU RASCALLY MOOSE
Also, at the Spinster Pad we were particularly enjoying the later summer days as they related to sucking in that sweet free radiation juice - it’s a 5.28KW system, forgive us our excitement but apparently they almost never operate that close to capacity.
Speaking of having fun, once upon the evening of the third stinking-hot day in a row, these Magpie Landlords dived in to enjoy the sprinkler while also wildly underestimating the perching-capacity of our young silver princess, bless them.
Having new solar panels turns you into the sort of person who obsessively checks the weather to see what you can expect from your set up. And getting a new app call WTForecast makes you giggle…
Except when you find out that you’re being bullied by the moon!
We knew it was up to something, just look at it!
Once upon a walk to school, Stinky was bored once again with seeing the same old thing every day. Same traffic, same trees, same sneaker floating through the sky
It’s the tedium, you see, it’s all just so same-same and so very dull. Walk to school, there’s something floating in the sky. Wander out the back one morning before work, there’s a giant, floating, gas-filled egg going “GSSHHNNGGHHHH!!!” and shouting at you. When will the monotony end??
Still, as shocking surprises go, the thing we found most upsetting was finding our first Chuckie 3 coin out in the wild
I don’t know, it just seems wrong! Speaking of wrong, at the start of the year, Stinky declared her crochet Inhabitants of Button House crochet extravaganza complete and entire. Then someone pointed out that she could make the character who showed up in just one episode – Maddocks, the ghost over the hedge in the neighbouring field who died having stepped in a badger trap.
“Nah,” said Stinky, “we never see his bottom half, I’d have to rely on descriptions of the leg injury and make it up myself!”
Then the worm in her brain started whispering about how she’d be able to represent purple tendons, the tibia and bone marrow, and how an injured amigurumi would have stuffing sticking out of the wound for sure, and well…
Pye helped out by fashioning the tibia and trap - who knows what an early 20th century badger trap looks like, not us lol. She also posted it to Instagram, tagging Richard Glover, the actor who played Maddocks…
… and let’s just say he walked straight into our trap!
We think perhaps we’re done now – we had no idea how far this would go!
We found this all pretty exciting – almost as exciting as borrowing a power washer to prove we still have bricks in the driveway. Cleaning, exciting, you say? It is if it’s this extreme! Here’s before:
And here’s after!
Behold, the duality of the power washer!
Before you could say ‘go have a shower’, it was our birthday! This was good, because the way Term One was going we felt like a colonial cartographer with a bird on his head pretending not to have shit in our ears.
We had an extended Festival of Stinky and Pye, beginning with a lovely dinner at Chocolate Buddha in Fed Square where they didn’t kick us out and let us keep drinking beer for longer than we expected. Thank goodness we’d already planned to stay in the city, or we would have ended up having a much later night than we are capable of these days.
Moose did very well out of our birthday too, with Belrog making him a snazzy new jumper – look how handsome he looks!
We're pretty sure that D’admiral had a fishing jumper like that in the 80s, stylish Moose is stylish.
Speaking of D’admiral, he and Chuckles helped with the extended festival of Stinky and Pye by coming to visit the Spinster Pad.
This is the first time anyone has enjoyed oysters on the deck (unless the builders had a different lifestyle to what we assume)…
… and we made the most of all-you-can-eat Japanese for the first time since Adelaide (without getting COVID for dessert this time).
They encouraged our destructive tendencies with the coolest present in the world…
… which means any unwanted limbs or yuccas are in immediate and sincere danger.
Stinky had been side-eying the yucca out the front for ages, and the only thing that was keeping it safe was the knowledge of how hard it was going to be to destroy it. BUT NOT NOW
The spikey bits were the most satisfying bits to cut down, but we were soon faced with the juicy menace that was the stump.
IT’S NOT GETTING ANY SMALLER
We would cut it up until the chainsaw battery ran out, then hacked the bits up with a pick. Eventually we got it to a point where Pye could pour pure poison down its throat…
…and Stinky could conceal the body.
But it revealed a corner that pissed us off some more, so more caculents were imperilled…
Meanwhile (in the cosmic sense of the timeline), Chuckles was impressed by the job the power washer had done, but also recognised that it had not gone far enough. She armed herself with a broom and cut sick!
It hadn’t looked this tidy for years! And it was just in time for the holidays, which in turn gave us time to find a paver who wanted to take on the task of un-munting the half of the driveway that has been sinking for years… whoopsies!
At least we didn’t have to clean off each of the 242 bricks from this time around that were re-usable. Between these and the 4000 others we have picked up in the last few years, guess what? One - and only one - has been named Clifton.
When we had the pavers around to get quotes, we weren’t able to move the car out of the driveway, on account of how the Corolla’s battery had fully shit itself. Thankfully Byron was still happy to lend us his portable jump-starting battery thing, and he was delighted to learn that Stinky was eventually able to get it in for a service.
He was, however, concerned that she was getting a camper van installed on the Corolla’s roof, but Stinky insists she will do whatever she wants.
Speaking of concerning, check out this new species of bird D’admiral’s AI-powered bird feeder identified!
The little bastard kept on coming back, but the joke was on them when D’admiral added a rat block or two to the feeder which were promptly whipped off to the nest. So long as they don’t die where we can smell them, this is a win!
While the murdering was happening (for indeed, the timeline of this ‘pistle is very wibbly-wobbly), we dragged ourselves to the finish line of term, which this year has Easter at the start of the holidays. We had a very Good Friday, starting with going to see DaVinci at Lume.
Remember how we’re really mature? John the Baptist has some news about where that thing is going – in your bum!
Bum.
They had a bunch of DaVinci models on display, only some of which were allowed to be played with. We had a lot of fun even though it was hard to get Moose out of the Vanity Box…
After a while Jesus said to go to the gift shop and who are we to argue?
Then for even more fun it was off to Hannah Gadsby’s Melbourne Comedy Festival show thanks to Young Martina, one of Pye’s former students and brave recruit to the teaching profession. Yay!
We often immediately flee the country when the holidays hit, but not this year. This means we got to enjoy Easter with Nonna and the fam!
It must be acknowledged that Andru and the crew won Wittiest Easter Gift with this Eucharist-themed pressie of wafers and wine, five stars!
Staying in the country meant a lot of opportunities to Get Things Done, as well as being able to pop to Somers where we found the creek had decided to continue its retro ways by pretending to forget where the mouth normally is and buggering off towards the store like it did when D’admiral was a lil whippersnapper…
By the time we got there the Cabin Girl had had to leave on account of being a big uni student now and having to go and continue to work on her Arts degree at Melbourne Uni (One of us! One of us!).
Happily, the Powder Monkey remained (if only for a couple of days) so we had to speed-run holiday activities. We smashed out a jigsaw, created some important Horrible Histories-related ScienceTM and enjoyed lots of yummy food.
D’admiral had done a lovely, melty slow-cooked lamb that was so delicious that we could barely stop eating it. When it got to dessert, the Powder Monkey said it was so good he’d eat it with ice cream. Prove it, we demanded! I don’t need any encouragement, he laughed!
He assured us it was quite delicious!
The next night there was left over sate sauce, so you know what that means, right? This time Pye had some too, so can testify that sate sauce and vanilla ice cream is genuinely delicious (it was just like peanut butter!). But then they both got cocky and added some chicken to the mix, only to immediately conclude that was just too far. We were a bit confused as to why the Powder Monkey had suddenly started eating weird food, but then we realised he was probably being Ratatouille’d by Moose.
Better to have Moose move into your hood than this miscreant, we suppose…
While not inventing new taste sensations, we took in a film. We’d heard that Wicked Little Letters was quite good, having Olivia Colman and some good swears to recommend it. Knowing no more than that, off we went to Frankston, where the inviting decor of the Hoyts foyer and alluring glow of the toilets hinted of the reclining-seated comfort we were about to enjoy…
100 minutes later, we emerged with an enriched vocabulary including “foxy-arsed rabbit fuckers” and “piss country whore,” it was amazing. It was a bit weird that Stinky wanted to fight this baby at lunch, but to each their own (and that kid knows what they did)!
The Powder Monkey thence took his corrupted soul and foul mouth home on the train, while we returned to find people walking around in rainbows!
Despite the showers that accompanied the rainbows, we managed to convince D’admiral and Chuckles that they should put us to work to help bring their front yard transformation closer to fruition. New paths had been installed, now there was just a bit of paving a truck load of compost to spread. Hooray!
Many hands make light work (this is a hilarious and ironic statement, as pavers are very heavy – ha ha, a pune or a play on words!)
It’s going to look so good when it’s all planted out!
But it wasn’t all work, D’admiral had the genius idea of popping down to Point Nepean to check out the old quarantine station. Clever man – how had we never been here before??
We wandered in and started at the old cemetery which – being about one sand dune back from the sea – we immediately judged as being an inappropriate place to plant dead bodies. The information plaque agreed as it told us about how yucky it was when a storm uncovered all the bodies, hoo hoo, whoopies. These guys popped straight up to agree too…
Moose had been sulking for about a week and a half because we hadn’t taken him overseas to rub his bum on things, so burst forth at full speed – nothing was safe! Notices!
Window sills!
Sterilisation-bakey-oven rooms and their echo-y rooms that were very good in which to sing ‘Every Sperm is Sacred’!
And old boiler (important clarification: not us)!
(This is us)
This wheel thing!
He scampered around everywhere with characteristic disregard for the rules. D’admiral tried to stop him (he says, but we have our suspicions).
Climbing up ladders to random places is one of Pye’s favourite hobbies, it’s not fair that Moose get to do and she doesn’t.
When he got bored with being up high, he promptly buggered off down a hole…
And he wasn’t the only one!
We really can’t pretend Moose was the only naughty one, as Stinky reverted to type (that is, noticing rude things and sending photos to the people standing beside her).
BEWBS
Anyway, it’s a really interesting site to look around, even if not all of the buildings were accessible…
I mean, look at it, this is some Jeffrey Smart shit right here
When we got the ferry home we were delighted to now recognise what we were looking at!
This pretty much did us for the holidays, alas, just a few more errands to run, like picking up new glasses. Normally this is just a Stinky activity, but not this time – having been the last man standing for so long, Pye finally joined the club (֊⎚-⎚) Look at the welcome gift Stinky arranged for her!
Nobody wants to see what will happen if someone tries to take that Vegemite! Or maybe we do…
It’s been about 10 weeks, is our favourite hobby still watching grass grow?
Occasionally we will even get out the shiny clean lawn mower and whippersnipper and give it a haircut! Then we watch it grow again! And sometimes we feed it and watch it grow some more! You should try it, it’s the best!
Term 1 was stupid and busy and stupid and definitely got in the way of all the other things we wanted to get done. So, we're going to ignore most of it, except to say that there is a child out there in the world with a mullet and the amazingly wonderful name of ‘Denim Peacock’, and also if you get this kind of lock, you are a provocative lil sprite who has brought this on yourself.
Also guess what, we found what appears to be Denim’s future wedding invitation!
While we were enjoying sunny weather down here, Instagram’s DegoPunk (famous founding member of our middle-aged-lady-mutual-appreciation society) sent us a cute little surprise – DIY snow! It starts in a tiny little envelope…
… and you just chuck in 1/4 cup of water….
… and it instantly boofs up and becomes light and fluffy and somehow cold!! Then a moose pushes you out of the way, makes snow angels, and has to be put in the back yard to play and get it out of his system. But don’t let that put you off!
For those in the northern hemisphere February and March really is about the cold and snow, but for us, it’s a sheer orgy of birthday celebrations. We saved Belrog a whole year by reminding her she’s not 47 yet and has a whole year before she (like we) will be in her Ruth Phase.
Now, we don’t want to overshadow that, but it’s hard not to when in the same week your Nonna has her 95th birthday – that’s mathematically almost twice as cool! Hey Stinky, nurse this big fat flower arrangement all the way to Melbourne, I dare you!
Bless her, Nonna had made the excellent decision it was time to get our Reception Centre on. This is an activity that we believe is peculiar to Mediterranean Melbournians who emigrated in the 50s, and it is wonderful in every way. It was a 38-degree day, but we weren’t worried because it was definitely an indoor venue. Little did we know, their air con was on the blink and we’d all end up like the Spumante on hand for toasting - fragrant and fruity!
There were at least four other parties sharing the space, though of course not one of them was as cool as ours. For instance, Pye didn't see anyone else who had accidentally dressed to match the carpet. But it doesn't matter, look at all those happy old Italians!
Look at those bravely sweating old ethic grandmas and grandpas shaking their booties! Back in the 90s we’d go to these things every time someone got engaged or baptised a child or had a special event, and we the cousins would always pester the band to play La Bamba. We didn’t even have to ask this time, they just did it themselves and we all had to leap from our seats!
Who doesn’t love an event where you can enter a raffle for a fruit basket only to find that said fruit basket also contains capsicums and sweet potatoes because they’ve probably been sourced from the nonni’s gardens?
Well to be honest, we would have loved it more if we have had won the fruit basket but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Anyway, as the mercury soared and everyone peeled off their spanks as discretely as possible, Nonna had a lovely time, and we had cake, and it was all very marvellous.
What else was going on? Oh yeah, D’admiral and Chuckles had also celebrated a wedding anniversary! But not just ANY anniversary… these lil scamps snuck off and eloped FIFTY years ago! Seems like a good reason to book out a reception centre!
They had generously allowed their anniversary to be overshadowed by Nonna’s birthday (or had they brought it on themselves by eloping within 24 hours of her birthday, insert internet poll here). Either way, a couple of weeks later we were delighted to contribute to (enjoy part thereof) the most impressive collection of gold-themed sparkling wine we’ve ever seen in our lives
Other things we’ve never seen in our lives (although D’admiral has) is the creek deciding to fuck off parallel to the sea instead of going straight out like it’s supposed to…
But rebellious water-ways be darned – all hail the festival of Chuckles!
It’s your birthday, we will shout at you! Or sing, idk
Set sweet food stuffs on fire and then bisect them! Then we will stuff them in our faces!
*Everyone* was stuffing things in their faces, even this guy!
Chuckles’ birthday present was blue wren-themed, so of course we had to use DegoPunk’s art for her card, whee hee! Moose was also a good helpful chap who kept watch and helped Chuckles with all her correspondence.
In an unusual turn of events the Cabin Girl, Powder Monkey and their Crew only showed up after we’d had to sadly go home to get ready for work, so we can’t say for certain if more feasting and celebrating took place, but we’re pretty sure it did.
Before we left we made sure to admire Chuckles’ efforts in the Coolart community garden – as if they haven’t had enough attention lately!
Look at her impressive produce!
Look at them
While we were at Coolart, we had a cheeky look in the shop and found water colour prints of different parts of the estate.
We decided instantly they’d go perfectly in the loft, next to the print of the house itself we’d put up last July (we’d chosen to put it in the loft because it’s the Yarrbat of the Spinster Pad – if you know, you know).
They looked great! But the problem then became that we couldn’t bear the sight of how faded the original print was and how the frame was a bit crappy :’(
We thought we’d scan it and give the colours a bit of a jeuje – but then the real problem was revealed that whoever had mounted it had decided to stick it to a Masonite board and the whole bastard had faded like jeans in an acid bath. Fie! Fortunately, the internet exists and we were able to source a replacement – look how much detail had been lost!!
Don’t look too closely, because Stinky might have corrected the spelling mistake on the label that has always bothered us, thus facilitating the death of the artist. Instead, look at this sexy triptych!
Meanwhile, in other parts of the Spinster Pad, Moose was getting a little bit too big for his boots, so we had to crack out the IKEA pasta the Crew had given us. YOU WATCH WHILE WE EAT THE MEESES, YOU RASCALLY MOOSE
Also, at the Spinster Pad we were particularly enjoying the later summer days as they related to sucking in that sweet free radiation juice - it’s a 5.28KW system, forgive us our excitement but apparently they almost never operate that close to capacity.
Speaking of having fun, once upon the evening of the third stinking-hot day in a row, these Magpie Landlords dived in to enjoy the sprinkler while also wildly underestimating the perching-capacity of our young silver princess, bless them.
Having new solar panels turns you into the sort of person who obsessively checks the weather to see what you can expect from your set up. And getting a new app call WTForecast makes you giggle…
Except when you find out that you’re being bullied by the moon!
We knew it was up to something, just look at it!
Once upon a walk to school, Stinky was bored once again with seeing the same old thing every day. Same traffic, same trees, same sneaker floating through the sky
It’s the tedium, you see, it’s all just so same-same and so very dull. Walk to school, there’s something floating in the sky. Wander out the back one morning before work, there’s a giant, floating, gas-filled egg going “GSSHHNNGGHHHH!!!” and shouting at you. When will the monotony end??
Still, as shocking surprises go, the thing we found most upsetting was finding our first Chuckie 3 coin out in the wild
I don’t know, it just seems wrong! Speaking of wrong, at the start of the year, Stinky declared her crochet Inhabitants of Button House crochet extravaganza complete and entire. Then someone pointed out that she could make the character who showed up in just one episode – Maddocks, the ghost over the hedge in the neighbouring field who died having stepped in a badger trap.
“Nah,” said Stinky, “we never see his bottom half, I’d have to rely on descriptions of the leg injury and make it up myself!”
Then the worm in her brain started whispering about how she’d be able to represent purple tendons, the tibia and bone marrow, and how an injured amigurumi would have stuffing sticking out of the wound for sure, and well…
Pye helped out by fashioning the tibia and trap - who knows what an early 20th century badger trap looks like, not us lol. She also posted it to Instagram, tagging Richard Glover, the actor who played Maddocks…
… and let’s just say he walked straight into our trap!
We think perhaps we’re done now – we had no idea how far this would go!
We found this all pretty exciting – almost as exciting as borrowing a power washer to prove we still have bricks in the driveway. Cleaning, exciting, you say? It is if it’s this extreme! Here’s before:
And here’s after!
Behold, the duality of the power washer!
Before you could say ‘go have a shower’, it was our birthday! This was good, because the way Term One was going we felt like a colonial cartographer with a bird on his head pretending not to have shit in our ears.
We had an extended Festival of Stinky and Pye, beginning with a lovely dinner at Chocolate Buddha in Fed Square where they didn’t kick us out and let us keep drinking beer for longer than we expected. Thank goodness we’d already planned to stay in the city, or we would have ended up having a much later night than we are capable of these days.
Moose did very well out of our birthday too, with Belrog making him a snazzy new jumper – look how handsome he looks!
We're pretty sure that D’admiral had a fishing jumper like that in the 80s, stylish Moose is stylish.
Speaking of D’admiral, he and Chuckles helped with the extended festival of Stinky and Pye by coming to visit the Spinster Pad.
This is the first time anyone has enjoyed oysters on the deck (unless the builders had a different lifestyle to what we assume)…
… and we made the most of all-you-can-eat Japanese for the first time since Adelaide (without getting COVID for dessert this time).
They encouraged our destructive tendencies with the coolest present in the world…
… which means any unwanted limbs or yuccas are in immediate and sincere danger.
Stinky had been side-eying the yucca out the front for ages, and the only thing that was keeping it safe was the knowledge of how hard it was going to be to destroy it. BUT NOT NOW
The spikey bits were the most satisfying bits to cut down, but we were soon faced with the juicy menace that was the stump.
IT’S NOT GETTING ANY SMALLER
We would cut it up until the chainsaw battery ran out, then hacked the bits up with a pick. Eventually we got it to a point where Pye could pour pure poison down its throat…
…and Stinky could conceal the body.
But it revealed a corner that pissed us off some more, so more caculents were imperilled…
Meanwhile (in the cosmic sense of the timeline), Chuckles was impressed by the job the power washer had done, but also recognised that it had not gone far enough. She armed herself with a broom and cut sick!
It hadn’t looked this tidy for years! And it was just in time for the holidays, which in turn gave us time to find a paver who wanted to take on the task of un-munting the half of the driveway that has been sinking for years… whoopsies!
At least we didn’t have to clean off each of the 242 bricks from this time around that were re-usable. Between these and the 4000 others we have picked up in the last few years, guess what? One - and only one - has been named Clifton.
When we had the pavers around to get quotes, we weren’t able to move the car out of the driveway, on account of how the Corolla’s battery had fully shit itself. Thankfully Byron was still happy to lend us his portable jump-starting battery thing, and he was delighted to learn that Stinky was eventually able to get it in for a service.
He was, however, concerned that she was getting a camper van installed on the Corolla’s roof, but Stinky insists she will do whatever she wants.
Speaking of concerning, check out this new species of bird D’admiral’s AI-powered bird feeder identified!
The little bastard kept on coming back, but the joke was on them when D’admiral added a rat block or two to the feeder which were promptly whipped off to the nest. So long as they don’t die where we can smell them, this is a win!
While the murdering was happening (for indeed, the timeline of this ‘pistle is very wibbly-wobbly), we dragged ourselves to the finish line of term, which this year has Easter at the start of the holidays. We had a very Good Friday, starting with going to see DaVinci at Lume.
Remember how we’re really mature? John the Baptist has some news about where that thing is going – in your bum!
Bum.
They had a bunch of DaVinci models on display, only some of which were allowed to be played with. We had a lot of fun even though it was hard to get Moose out of the Vanity Box…
After a while Jesus said to go to the gift shop and who are we to argue?
Then for even more fun it was off to Hannah Gadsby’s Melbourne Comedy Festival show thanks to Young Martina, one of Pye’s former students and brave recruit to the teaching profession. Yay!
We often immediately flee the country when the holidays hit, but not this year. This means we got to enjoy Easter with Nonna and the fam!
It must be acknowledged that Andru and the crew won Wittiest Easter Gift with this Eucharist-themed pressie of wafers and wine, five stars!
Staying in the country meant a lot of opportunities to Get Things Done, as well as being able to pop to Somers where we found the creek had decided to continue its retro ways by pretending to forget where the mouth normally is and buggering off towards the store like it did when D’admiral was a lil whippersnapper…
By the time we got there the Cabin Girl had had to leave on account of being a big uni student now and having to go and continue to work on her Arts degree at Melbourne Uni (One of us! One of us!).
Happily, the Powder Monkey remained (if only for a couple of days) so we had to speed-run holiday activities. We smashed out a jigsaw, created some important Horrible Histories-related ScienceTM and enjoyed lots of yummy food.
D’admiral had done a lovely, melty slow-cooked lamb that was so delicious that we could barely stop eating it. When it got to dessert, the Powder Monkey said it was so good he’d eat it with ice cream. Prove it, we demanded! I don’t need any encouragement, he laughed!
He assured us it was quite delicious!
The next night there was left over sate sauce, so you know what that means, right? This time Pye had some too, so can testify that sate sauce and vanilla ice cream is genuinely delicious (it was just like peanut butter!). But then they both got cocky and added some chicken to the mix, only to immediately conclude that was just too far. We were a bit confused as to why the Powder Monkey had suddenly started eating weird food, but then we realised he was probably being Ratatouille’d by Moose.
Better to have Moose move into your hood than this miscreant, we suppose…
While not inventing new taste sensations, we took in a film. We’d heard that Wicked Little Letters was quite good, having Olivia Colman and some good swears to recommend it. Knowing no more than that, off we went to Frankston, where the inviting decor of the Hoyts foyer and alluring glow of the toilets hinted of the reclining-seated comfort we were about to enjoy…
100 minutes later, we emerged with an enriched vocabulary including “foxy-arsed rabbit fuckers” and “piss country whore,” it was amazing. It was a bit weird that Stinky wanted to fight this baby at lunch, but to each their own (and that kid knows what they did)!
The Powder Monkey thence took his corrupted soul and foul mouth home on the train, while we returned to find people walking around in rainbows!
Despite the showers that accompanied the rainbows, we managed to convince D’admiral and Chuckles that they should put us to work to help bring their front yard transformation closer to fruition. New paths had been installed, now there was just a bit of paving a truck load of compost to spread. Hooray!
Many hands make light work (this is a hilarious and ironic statement, as pavers are very heavy – ha ha, a pune or a play on words!)
It’s going to look so good when it’s all planted out!
But it wasn’t all work, D’admiral had the genius idea of popping down to Point Nepean to check out the old quarantine station. Clever man – how had we never been here before??
We wandered in and started at the old cemetery which – being about one sand dune back from the sea – we immediately judged as being an inappropriate place to plant dead bodies. The information plaque agreed as it told us about how yucky it was when a storm uncovered all the bodies, hoo hoo, whoopies. These guys popped straight up to agree too…
Moose had been sulking for about a week and a half because we hadn’t taken him overseas to rub his bum on things, so burst forth at full speed – nothing was safe! Notices!
Window sills!
Sterilisation-bakey-oven rooms and their echo-y rooms that were very good in which to sing ‘Every Sperm is Sacred’!
And old boiler (important clarification: not us)!
(This is us)
This wheel thing!
He scampered around everywhere with characteristic disregard for the rules. D’admiral tried to stop him (he says, but we have our suspicions).
Climbing up ladders to random places is one of Pye’s favourite hobbies, it’s not fair that Moose get to do and she doesn’t.
When he got bored with being up high, he promptly buggered off down a hole…
And he wasn’t the only one!
We really can’t pretend Moose was the only naughty one, as Stinky reverted to type (that is, noticing rude things and sending photos to the people standing beside her).
BEWBS
Anyway, it’s a really interesting site to look around, even if not all of the buildings were accessible…
I mean, look at it, this is some Jeffrey Smart shit right here
When we got the ferry home we were delighted to now recognise what we were looking at!
This pretty much did us for the holidays, alas, just a few more errands to run, like picking up new glasses. Normally this is just a Stinky activity, but not this time – having been the last man standing for so long, Pye finally joined the club (֊⎚-⎚) Look at the welcome gift Stinky arranged for her!
Nobody wants to see what will happen if someone tries to take that Vegemite! Or maybe we do…
